"Damn, this place is a shithole”: CCP Releases First Statement Following S. Carolina Balloon Fiasco
The Chinese Communist Party has just released an official report following the recent controversy regarding their so-called “weather”...
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Brendan Boyce
- Feb 16
- 2 min
U.S. Military Promises to Install M.O.A.B. Maulers On F-22 Jets
This week, tensions between the United States and China reached a boiling point as four Chinese spy balloons were blasted out of the sky...
17 views
Sam Wheeler
- Nov 15, 2022
- 2 min
Khamenei Appeals to Iranian Women Amidst Protests: “How About You All Just Wear Baseball Caps"
As the protests in Iran over civil rights and basic freedoms continue into a third month, the supreme leader of the nation, Ayatollah...
28 views
Maxwell Maceluch
- Nov 2, 2022
- 2 min
DR FAUCI CAUGHT BREWING UP NEW "DARK BRANDON" CUM STRAIN IN DEEP STATE LABORATORY! (FORMULA LEAKED)
A Mixture Most Foul... - By Me Just when you thought it was safe… After his latest session of trapping beagles’ heads in cages full of...
63 views
Maxwell Maceluch
- Oct 25, 2022
- 2 min
James Corden to Be Banned from All Public Establishments (and How to Collect His Bounty)
Following Balthazar’s decision to exile famous screamer James Corden from their restaurant on account of his inappropriate hexing of...
31 views
Sam Wheeler
- Oct 12, 2022
- 3 min
"I can't wait to grief the Metaverse," Says Head of Taliban's Cyberwarfare Division
The Metaverse™️. These words bring to mind a world in which people, represented by Virtual Avatars, can inhabit the same shared space...
34 views
Sam Wheeler
- Sep 19, 2022
- 2 min
BUTT Exclusive: King Charles III’s Heartfelt Eulogy for His Mother, Queen Elizabeth
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral took place earlier today at Westminster Abbey in London. We at The BUTT were given exclusive...
68 views
Sam Wheeler
- May 3, 2022
- 2 min
Emmanuel Macron Reaches 8% Approval Rating, Highest In French Electoral History
With President Macron securing the French general election just a little over a fortnight ago, the world has renewed its twice a decade...
29 views
Brendan Boyce
- Mar 31, 2022
- 2 min
Here Are the Companies That Will Be Sponsoring the Next US Shipment of Weapons to Ukraine
In America’s newest attempt to support Ukraine, children can now gamble away their parents' money to help the war effort. For every Raid...
20 views
Maxwell Maceluch
- Mar 8, 2022
- 5 min
Gamer Attempts to Speedrun War in Ukraine; Dies
War, what is it good for? Playing soldier and attempting to reap personal ego-boosting glory in a foreign army while innocent civilians...
55 views
BU Times Tribune
- Mar 3, 2022
- 0 min
18 views
Brendan Boyce
- Feb 21, 2022
- 2 min
Elon Musk Denies His Testing on Monkeys Is Inhumane: 'I would do it to humans too'
Earlier this week Elon Musk, father of X Æ A-Xii and Times Man of the Year, an award he shares with other prominent figures like Gandhi,...
29 views
Sam Wheeler
- Feb 20, 2022
- 2 min
Studying Abroad in Ukraine? Here Are Some Travel Tips You Should Know (Brought To You By Raytheon)
President Stenger has recently announced a partnership with beloved American defense contractor Raytheon Technologies to publish a...
105 views
Phill Collins
- Feb 18, 2022
- 1 min
Queen Elizabeth II Is Dead, Don't Bother Fact Checking Because It's Real
In breaking news, the Binghamton University Times Tribune 🚽 has been granted exclusive coverage of the death ☠️ of the Queen 👸...
36 views
Adam Malev
- Feb 4, 2022
- 2 min
Rick and Morty Appear at UN Security Council; Promise to Do Nothing About Russia-Ukraine Crisis
As tensions continue to rise regarding the looming Russia-Ukraine conflict, a brief appearance by the infamous scientist Rick Sanchez and...
25 views
Brendan Boyce
- Nov 15, 2021
- 2 min
Jeff Bezos Pledges 2 Billion to Stop Jeff Bezos from Accelerating Climate Change
At the COP26 climate conference in Glasgow, Jeff Bezos, the ex-Amazon CEO and ex-husband to multi-billionaire Mackenzie Scott, pledged...
17 views
Ethan Rosenblum
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2 min
Attempt to Reduce Inflation With Forex Scheme Leads to Birth of Evil Supereconomy
The U.S. inflation rate is currently at its highest peak since the birth of Timothee Chalamet, leaving many experts unsure how to respond...
14 views
BU Times Tribune
- Nov 8, 2021
- 2 min
Not Even Grant Morrison Buying 'Meta'
Mark Zuckerburg recently announced that Facebook would be rebranding as Meta Platforms- ‘Meta’ for short- and that they would be shifting...
25 views
Graham Young
- Nov 8, 2021
- 1 min
Overloaded, Overheated Zuckerberg Glitches Out During Congressional Hearing
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg experienced technical difficulties during a Senate hearing on Facebook’s humanoid AI projects, quickly...
39 views
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