Henry Kissinger to Be Cremated, Ashes Added to Explosives in Tribute to His Life
It is to the Binghamton BUTT’s great sorrow that we announce the passing of a beloved American hero, someone whom every American can look...
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THE BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY TIMES TRIBUNE
BU's only intentionally satirical news source
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Andrew Schiller
- Nov 2
- 2 min
MARIAH CAREY HAS AWOKEN. IMMEDIATE SHELTER IS ADVISED.
BINGHAMTON, NY – As Jon Snow once said, “Winter is coming.” This was quite evident on Binghamton University’s campus this past Wednesday...
30 views
Genevieve Rolnick
- Oct 31
- 1 min
Research Reveals Most Terrifying Concept Human Minds Can Barely Put into Comprehensible Expression
BOO
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Yuri Mumm
- Oct 15
- 2 min
Police Called to Colorado Funeral Home for “Weed-like Smell,” Actually Just Dead Bodies
DENVER, CO— Last week, Colorado Police were called to a local funeral home in response to a concerned 911 caller citing a “skunk-like...
9 views
David Belkin
- Oct 10
- 2 min
Taylor’s Latest Clues Leave Swifties Wondering
Taylor Swift has once again left her fans speculating after posting yesterday’s bombshell statement on X (formerly Twitter): “People...
8 views
Yuri Mumm
- Oct 8
- 2 min
Kevin McCarthy Ejected from House After "Sus" Accusations
After an Emergency Meeting last Tuesday, Kevin McCarthy has been ejected from the House of Representatives, after being accused by...
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David Belkin
- Sep 19
- 3 min
Disney “Storyliving” Residents Endorse New Neighborhood
PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA— The Walt Disney Company has entered the housing market and has begun building neighborhoods in California while...
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Madison Cardiel
- Sep 17
- 1 min
Mexican Alien Selling Detox Teas on Instagram
As influencers have become more prevalent over the past decade, so has the market for advertising beauty and fitness products with social...
9 views
BU Times Tribune
- Sep 12
- 1 min
We're So Back (& What You Missed)
The website, that is! After so much further blood sacrifice that all we can taste is iron, the BUTimesTribune has been released from its...
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Sam Wheeler
- Feb 28
- 3 min
"Damn, this place is a shithole”: CCP Releases First Statement Following S. Carolina Balloon Fiasco
The Chinese Communist Party has just released an official report following the recent controversy regarding their so-called “weather”...
53 views
Brendan Boyce
- Feb 16
- 2 min
U.S. Military Promises to Install M.O.A.B. Maulers On F-22 Jets
This week, tensions between the United States and China reached a boiling point as four Chinese spy balloons were blasted out of the sky...
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Sam Wheeler
- Nov 15, 2022
- 2 min
Khamenei Appeals to Iranian Women Amidst Protests: “How About You All Just Wear Baseball Caps"
As the protests in Iran over civil rights and basic freedoms continue into a third month, the supreme leader of the nation, Ayatollah...
29 views
Helmcue Clamwax
- Nov 1, 2022
- 2 min
DR FAUCI CAUGHT BREWING UP NEW "DARK BRANDON" CUM STRAIN IN DEEP STATE LABORATORY! (FORMULA LEAKED)
A Mixture Most Foul... - By Me Just when you thought it was safe… After his latest session of trapping beagles’ heads in cages full of...
76 views
Maxwell Maceluch
- Oct 25, 2022
- 2 min
James Corden to Be Banned from All Public Establishments (and How to Collect His Bounty)
Following Balthazar’s decision to exile famous screamer James Corden from their restaurant on account of his inappropriate hexing of...
37 views
Sam Wheeler
- Oct 12, 2022
- 3 min
"I can't wait to grief the Metaverse," Says Head of Taliban's Cyberwarfare Division
The Metaverse™️. These words bring to mind a world in which people, represented by Virtual Avatars, can inhabit the same shared space...
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Sam Wheeler
- Sep 19, 2022
- 2 min
BUTT Exclusive: King Charles III’s Heartfelt Eulogy for His Mother, Queen Elizabeth
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral took place earlier today at Westminster Abbey in London. We at The BUTT were given exclusive...
70 views
Sam Wheeler
- May 3, 2022
- 2 min
Emmanuel Macron Reaches 8% Approval Rating, Highest In French Electoral History
With President Macron securing the French general election just a little over a fortnight ago, the world has renewed its twice a decade...
30 views
Brendan Boyce
- Mar 31, 2022
- 2 min
Here Are the Companies That Will Be Sponsoring the Next US Shipment of Weapons to Ukraine
In America’s newest attempt to support Ukraine, children can now gamble away their parents' money to help the war effort. For every Raid...
21 views
Maxwell Maceluch
- Mar 8, 2022
- 5 min
Gamer Attempts to Speedrun War in Ukraine; Dies
War, what is it good for? Playing soldier and attempting to reap personal ego-boosting glory in a foreign army while innocent civilians...
56 views
BU Times Tribune
- Mar 3, 2022
- 0 min
18 views
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