DR FAUCI CAUGHT BREWING UP NEW "DARK BRANDON" CUM STRAIN IN DEEP STATE LABORATORY! (FORMULA LEAKED)
A Mixture Most Foul... - By Me Just when you thought it was safe… After his latest session of trapping beagles’ heads in cages full of...
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Maxwell Maceluch
- Oct 25
- 2 min
James Corden to Be Banned from All Public Establishments (and How to Collect His Bounty)
Following Balthazar’s decision to exile famous screamer James Corden from their restaurant on account of his inappropriate hexing of...
20 views
Phil Thornburg
- May 11
- 2 min
Legislators Argue Over Whether Or Not Roe V. Wade Applies to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch
Yesterday, chaos broke out at the 35th Annual Congressional Dog Pagent after Superintendent Chairman Richard Rider opened the floodgates...
38 views
Max Lieber
- May 6
- 3 min
Baby Runs Into Supreme Court, Interrupts Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health
Proceedings at the Supreme Court were interrupted yesterday after an unnamed, approximately five-hour-old baby boy entered the courtroom...
36 views
Brendan Boyce
- Apr 1
- 1 min
Wholesome Article of the Day: Cop Does His Job
On this beautiful Spring day, a police officer decided to uphold the law and be an upstanding member of his community. He got up on time...
29 views
Brendan Boyce
- Mar 14
- 2 min
Conservative Student's Toes Unfairly Targeted by Professor's Woke "Progressive Stubbing" Policy
Earlier this week, a forgettable looking white guy named Peter Levinson stubbed his toe in his sociology class and proceeded to storm out...
36 views
Brendan Boyce
- Feb 11
- 1 min
Snoop Dogg Drops Out of Halftime Lineup After Finding Out That the Super Bowl Isn’t a Giant Pipe
Snoop Dogg, a celebrity stoner who also raps in his free time, has reportedly dropped the Super Bowl LVI Halftime show like it’s hot...
23 views
Brendan Boyce
- Feb 9
- 1 min
Bill Murray Murders New Jersey Groundhog to Escape Time Loop
The quiet village of Milltown canceled their annual Groundhog Day celebration after the unexpected death of their prized groundhog,...
14 views
Ethan Rosenblum
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2 min
Attempt to Reduce Inflation With Forex Scheme Leads to Birth of Evil Supereconomy
The U.S. inflation rate is currently at its highest peak since the birth of Timothee Chalamet, leaving many experts unsure how to respond...
14 views
Brendan Boyce
- Oct 19, 2021
- 2 min
New York State Bans Weed Again, CIW Students Go Back to Huffing Paint
This past week New York State reversed the legalization of the completely natural, organic medicine known as Mary Jane. In a frenzy of...
24 views
Brendan Boyce
- Sep 27, 2021
- 2 min
Anti-Vaxxers Distraught at Discovery of Flu Shot
This week outside of CVS in Binghamton, a crowd gathered to protest the flu shot vaccines, claiming they had finally realized it was a...
6 views