Andrew Cuomo Flees Manhattan, Sets Up Government-in-Exile on Staten Island as Radical Centrists Rally Across NYC

In the weeks after Zohran Mamdani’s sweeping mayoral victory, Andrew Cuomo and several of his closest advisors, known to insiders as the Cuomintang, have fled Manhattan, setting up a government-in-exile on Staten Island in the hopes of eventually rallying New Yorkers to their cause and taking City Hall. As Mamdani pledges to reunify New York City, refusing to recognize Staten Island as a sovereign city, BUTT journalists have accessed several sources within this new breakaway administration.

“The one thing you need to know about Mr. Cuomo is that he’s never taken ‘no’ for an answer,” said an insider in the Cuomo campaign who has asked to remain anonymous. “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word. The same thing goes for ‘stop’ and ‘don’t.’ So, uh… what I mean to say is that he’ll never stop fighting.”

While Cuomo’s government-in-exile faces challenges as it attempts to establish itself, his base of radical centrists rally across New York in support of his efforts. Many have begun preparing themselves for what they believe is his inevitable return to the mainland. “As a centrist, I think the left and the right are equally bad,” Dorian Pancake, a diehard Cuomo supporter, told BUTT reporters, “and that means that we, as Americans, need to unite against our common enemy: the left.” While Pancake and others remain resolute in their fight to keep New York the same and not make any progress, many of their comrades have fled New York City for the greener pastures of Long Island and Westchester County.

Despite the gathering storm of Cuomo support, Mamdani’s incoming administration remains seemingly unconcerned about the disgraced governor’s actions, though no one involved offered to comment. Also unavailable for comment was Curtis Sliwa, who is, according to a campaign aide, very busy preparing for his new position as New York City’s ratcatcher-in-chief, a role for which he has already purchased 12.5 tons of military surplus cheese.

With confrontation between the Mamdani administration and Cuomo’s government-in-exile almost inevitable, New York waits with baited breath to see what will happen next.