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THE BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY TIMES TRIBUNE
BU's only intentionally satirical news source
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The Trials and Tribulations of an Average Binghamton Student
It’s been a long day. Your first class was at 1 PM, and that’s a little too early for you. It was really hard too, being Accounting 101 and all. Overloaded with homework, you go to the library in the hopes of having your friends distract you from doing homework. Unfortunately, none of your friends are there, not even on the newly renovated third floor. Disappointed, you finally open your laptop to do some homework. Eduroam, as expected, is just not working, so you’re forced
Alan Smithee
Apr 152 min read


Leaked Inside Out 3 Footage Reveals Unexpected Voice Cameo by Markiplier
Years ago, it would’ve been a stretch to say that Markiplier had it out for a successful career in the film industry. Of course we were proven wrong with the international premiere of his first feature film, Iron Lung, which received high acclaim from critics and fans alike. With this release, Mark elevated his status higher than we ever could’ve expected from a YouTube lets-player, from the very man who received a food delivery while wearing a ball gag on camera. What act of
A. Person
Apr 22 min read


Organ Harvesting: A Layperson’s Guide
Amidst stagnating wages, rising costs, and the funneling of trillions of dollars to the 1%, the American economy has become a near-dystopian wasteland where 60% of the population is unable to afford a minimally decent quality of life. But while the working class struggles to make ends meet, most are unaware of the incredible source of supplemental income they walk past every day: the value contained within the bodies of their friends and neighbors! A single lung, when sold on
Freyja Gréta Björnisdottir
Dec 9, 20253 min read


Baxter's Otherworldly Odors: A Binghamton University Creepypasta
I need the people to hear about what I have seen. You might not believe me. And I get that. But I need people to know what lives in the Fine Arts building here at Binghamton. I was walking to class, 5 minutes late as per usual. I’m taking Intro to Feminism on the first floor of the Fine Arts building. Walking at a very normal and not at all too slow pace, I entered the building by Einstein's. Clearly, this is the ground floor. But it isn’t. I go down a flight of stairs, and
Alan Smithee
Oct 30, 20252 min read
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