The Perfect Halloween Costume Based on Your Major
It’s that time of year! Binghamton students are preparing for one of the community’s most beloved excuses to get completely wasted:...
top of page
THE BINGHAMTON UNIVERSITY TIMES TRIBUNE
BU's only intentionally satirical news source
Home: Welcome
Artcles
Search
Sue Donim
Sep 291 min
Campus Rec Hosts “Aztec Ballgame” Event
Binghamton’s Healthy Campus Initiative has had a number of successes and failures, and the campaign’s newest event has caused quite a...
5 views
Lincoln LaMastro
Sep 122 min
BUTT Horoscope: Space is Telling You to Do Shit
Aries March 21 - April 20 Today is going to be your lucky day, but you don’t know it yet. There’s a prize waiting for you somewhere, and...
71 views
Shirley Latefordinner
Sep 112 min
BUTT Becomes First-Ever News Organization to Switch From Newspaper to Newsplastic
Binghamton University’s BU BUTT Board voted this past Wednesday to transition their print medium from the industry-standard paper to...
34 views
Solomon Christiansen
Sep 83 min
Op-Ed: I Am Not Receiving Enough Satanic Propaganda
Greetings, my Brothers and Sisters at Binghamton University. I am writing to you about an issue faced by those of us of upstanding moral...
35 views
Sue Donim
Sep 51 min
Woman Horrified To Discover Scott Pilgrim Poster in Male Friend’s Room
“It was just terrible. I walked into his dorm and… that stupid poster was on the wall.” said a dismayed student, who anonymously spoke to...
23 views
Gregory Hurford
Sep 42 min
Bartle Library Tower Given Away in "Wonka-esque" Campaign
A great stir was caused on campus last week after President Harvey Stenger made a shocking announcement. In a video that has since been...
36 views
David Belkin
Apr 242 min
Prostate Cancer Framed for Death of OJ Simpson
LAS VEGAS, NV— On April 10th, reports began to circulate that professional football player OJ Simpson had died from a bout with prostate...
26 views
Helmcue Clamwax
Apr 14 min
How to Pirate Textbooks and the Like
Tired of forking over hundreds (on top of the thousands you're already paying to be here) for required course materials that are either...
158 views
Gabby Cafaro
Mar 283 min
Neuralink Review: Best Brain Chip on the Market, or Is It All in Our Heads?
Yes, the rumors are true…I am the first person to get implanted with Neuralink! Neuralink is an implantable chip made by Elon Musk that...
143 views
Helmcue Clamwax
Mar 252 min
“I’ll Definitely Be Showing Hole Next Time” - John Cena Opens up for 2025 Oscar Plans
Following the trailer release for the Roku original docuseries WWE: Next Gen, professional actor and executive producer John Cena...
15 views
David Belkin
Mar 152 min
Boring, Uninspired Superhero Movie with Terrible Writing and Acting Ruined by Woman Protagonist and Not by How Bad It Sucked
HOLLYWOOD, CA— Cinema’s latest superhero offering Madame Web was met with resounding indifference and apprehension from audiences and has...
10 views
David Belkin
Feb 122 min
Streamer Partners With Distillery to Brew Beer Using Her Vaginal Yeast
HOUSTON, TX— As per a viral report on X (formerly know as Twitter) published by Dexerto (https://twitter.com/Dexerto/status/1717639739741...
17 views
Yuri Mumm
Jan 311 min
Not Just a Theory: MatPat Found Dead in Miami
Miami-Dade County, Florida - Authorities confirmed the identity of a shooting victim in Miami yesterday as Matthew Robert Patrick, better...
35 views
Max Lieber
Oct 6, 20238 min
Binghamton Medieval History Professor Unearths Ancient Arthurian Erotica
IF YOU’RE A DUMB DIRTY DOG WHO JUST WANTS TO SKIP TO THE MEDIEVAL EROTICA, CLICK ME! It was a day like any other. Associate Professor...
51 views
David Belkin
Oct 4, 20232 min
Study Shows Samsung Users Make Most Other People Feel A Little Uncomfortable
BINGHAMTON, NY— A recent study spearheaded by the Binghamton University Psychology Department found that owning a Samsung phone often...
26 views
Madison Cardiel
Oct 2, 20232 min
What Type of Male Are You?
Have you ever wondered if you were an alpha, sigma, somewhere in between, or something completely different? Take the BUTT’s male quiz to...
73 views
Maxwell Maceluch
Sep 22, 20233 min
How to Break into the Anderson Theaters for Free
What’s that? You don’t have $8 to spare after Binghamton sucked you so dry from tuition fees, parking “violations,” and the potential...
29 views
Yuri Mumm
Sep 20, 20232 min
LUMA Flooded in Punishment from God
Dear Brothers and Sister, it is time to rejoice! Finally, the heretical antics of LUMA have been reprimanded, by the big kahuna upstairs!...
15 views
Contact
bottom of page