The Good, the Blad(der), and the Ugly: The Binghamton Pisser Strikes!

The saga of the Binghamton Pisser has captivated and disgusted many people over the past weeks. For those living under a rock, (who I am quite jealous of- Journalism is a dangerous profession folks!) Many schools in New York and elsewhere have found themselves in possession of their very own Pisser. See, It’s all Dexter’s fault. For those unaware, Dexter is a franchise in which the titular character, a serial killer, kills those that he feels deserve it. Known in this show as “The Bay Harbor Butcher,” Dexter is tracked by a detective named James Doakes. The audio of a disembodied voice talking about the Bay Harbor Butcher is frequently found over the videos of the various Pissers, and a reactionary sect of Pisserism has sprung up to combat this, calling themselves (school name) Doakes. To state the obvious: This is fucking stupid. Trying to discuss it as if it is the work of rational humans is pointless, so we must instead focus on irrational humans. The world of TikTok is a scary place indeed. One wonders what people will stoop to for clicks.

Speaking of stooping, some of the Pissers need to stoop down to a water fountain and have a drink!

Figure 1: Yellowness of streams/hydration level of pisser at selected SUNY Schools

School        Piss color:	Hydrated (Clear)	Thirsty (Cloudy/Yellowish)	Parched (Yellow)
Albany	X
Binghamton		X
Brockport			X
Cortland	X
Stony Brook	X
Buffalo			X
Oswego		X
Geneseo	X
Farmingdale			X
Plattsburg	X
Cornell		X
Maritime		X
Poly		X

As we have learned, people are terrible. Brief excerpts include the Buffalo pisser assailing an innocent sink with a stream colored so darkly yellow it could substitute for the sun, and the Cortland pisser obviously using a water bottle to imitate the trend with less risk (While I applaud the restraint- You’re a coward.) To understand this new world we have found ourselves living in, we must examine the hive of scum and villainly popularly known as Long Island. This trend, like many, is one that began in a smaller group and eventually “broke containment” in spectacular fashion. The means of escape for this one was back-to-school season. Long Island had spent the past summer with each town being drowned in piss by one person or five or however many felt like participating. In the same vein as the current round of SUNY pissers, the first round of pissers appears to have sprung up with the same Dexter trend on Long Island. When it came time for these people to return to college, many villainous pissers returned to university along with the rest of us. Until next time, keep an eye out for guys hiding in the bushes.