Following “CWCville Forced to Celebrate Chris Chan’s Birthday”, many of our readers have reached out to us regarding the subject of this article, wondering, as one reader put it, “who the fuck is ‘Chris-Chan’”. We have attempted to come up with answers to your questions, but have sadly found ourselves completely unable to do so. However, it seems the opportunity has presented itself to answer our eager readership’s questions: an AMA with a man who has watched the entire 60 part Chris-Chan Documentary on YouTube. We reached out to this elusive figure on Reddit after receiving several messages from him that seemed like cries for help. Following our response to his messages, we managed to keep in contact with him through an anonymous email chain that he insisted we route through Tor. Throughout the conversation, he wished to remain anonymous, and therefore has requested that we refer to him as “Alec Wainar” for the purposes of this article.
Max: Before we begin, I have a quick question: Who is Chris-Chan?
Alec: I’d love to answer that question but that would end up being a 10 page essay and trust me, it’s much better to stay innocent in all of this.
Max: Who created the Chris-Chan documentary?
Alec: Some guy named Geno Samuel. No idea if that’s his real name but it’s the name of the channel. Many Christorians refer to him as the Chrisatz Haderach- The One True Christorian who sees all parts of Christory.
Max: Why did he do such a thing?
Alec: Us humans tend to question whether or not we could instead of whether or not we should.
Max: I averaged the length of each video in the documentary together and found the average length of each part to be roughly 40 minutes. Since there are 60 parts in the documentary, that would be roughly 2400 minutes, or 40 hours. Why did you feel compelled to spend 40 hours of your life watching the Chris-Chan documentary?
Alec: I thought it would be funny if I watched all of it.
I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
Max: The Chris-Chan documentary, if we can call it that, would be the longest documentary ever produced. How does that make you feel about the human race?
Alec: Humanity was a mistake.
Max: Are there better things that you could be doing with your time?
Alec: Definitely. I’ve spent all that time dedicated to Christory that I could’ve spent with my family and friends and now that time is gone.
Max: Do you believe that you suffered an emotional crisis or experienced a change in an otherwise healthy mental state during or after your viewing of the Chris-Chan documentary? If yes, you could be entitled to financial compensation.
Alec: Surprisingly enough I have a better outlook on life now. I’ve seen the lowest point a man could go so in comparison my standard life is so much better. The only thing I have left to fear is the non zero chance of the degradation of my very being to something comparable to whatever Chris is.
Max: Could Chris-Chan potentially be the Antichrist?
Alec: Well, there’s no proof to say that he isn’t the Antichrist so I could give a hard maybe to that.
Max: Final question: if you happened to be locked in a room with Chris-Chan with no weapons at your disposal and no obvious means of escape, what would you do?
Alec: I don’t think there’s anything I would be able to do. My life would end the second I stepped into the room.