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  • Writer's pictureBU Times Tribune

The Binghamton University Times-Tribune Sex Survey 2024 Results

Updated: Feb 27



Phew, these results sure came quick, huh? Time certainly flies when engaging in sexual activities that are performed to achieve satisfaction and pleasure typically in a fashion involving erogenous zones or concepts that illicit arousal. How and why the student body dabbles in such debauchery has remained a mystery no local publication could possibly answer... Until now. After syphoning samples from Binghamton's finest, please allow me, The Sex Surveyor, to present the following:


How Do You Identify Yourself?

Biden's America, everyone.

Longest Edging Record? Please Be Honest

  • Up until I clicked on the question... shame really

My condolences.

  • 43 days

Is this true?

  • Idk im still waiting for him to make me cum

This seems like a unsatisfying relationship.

  • one hour bitch!!!!

Please don't call me names :(

  • 0 minutes

It's never too late to start...

  • 1

It starts with...

  • 14 seconds, but then I saw a picture of harvey and gooned

Go goon or go home!

  • 8 hours, this is completly serious not a joke. Like actually this isnt a joke, everything else on this servey is a joke but this isnt.

🫡

What’s Your Average Viscosity?

"I grow warm, I begin to feel happy. There is nothing extraordinary in this, it is a small happiness of Nausea: it spreads at the bottom of the viscous puddle, at the bottom of out time - the time of purple suspenders, and broken chair seats; it is made of white, soft instants, spreading at the edge, like an oil stain. No sooner than born, it is already old, it seems as though I have known it for twenty years."

- Jean-Paul Sartre

Rawest Porn Moment of 2024:

  • Drakes elephant trunk leaked

  • Drake exposed

  • Drake dick on twitter

Baby, I like your style...

  • Cumming for climate change

You guys remember when the sky was orange and everything was smokey for awhile?

  • Amouranth beer

Now wait a moment... !

  • When that guy farted at king charles' coronation

I'm sorry, but I draw the line at scat stuff.

  • Feet 🤤

This guy knows what's up!

  • Donald Trump sextape 9/23/24

Keep tabs on this one, folks.

  • be alvum

I mean I would personally, he seems to be getting the best head.

What Kinda Pussy You Got?

With 3. & 6. tied at the top, the two types must duke it out in a squirting contest. Those with 2. & 5. can also do this if they want to.

Choose.

Give us a shout at #CreamerNation

How Large Is the Hole?

  • 2 fists

UPD is running low on handcuffs - they could really use someone with your skills on the field!

  • enough to have a good sounding session

Drill bits really give any given session that extra umph.

  • Broken

Does that make it larger?

  • depends on the humidity. probably pretty good though 8/10

The high humidity frizz can really bump it up a few size points sometimes.

  • Puckered and tight

Mine too, man, high-hole!

  • 1.4 million kilometers

Man, that's pretty big!

  • big enough

  • Not big enough

These were back to back... I-Is the data compromised?

How Long Is the Crack?

Why did I make this a pie chart?

𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾?

  • One time I accidentally pissed in my boyfriends mouth during 69

Mistakes into miracles...

  • 😈

GAH! Don't scare me like that!

  • Freaky enough to piss of the normals and vanilla enough to piss off the freaks 😎

Try mixing in some specials and grabs with your normals to really piss them off.

  • *farts in your face*

Dude.

  • I’ve been told I’m a freak

Me too, then they throw garbage at me.

  • 𝓗𝓸𝔀 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾?

STOP COPYING ME!!!!

Can You Impregnate Men?

If at first you don't succeed, try again... Keep trying and never give up.

Select All That Apply.

The mirroring participants who selected both abbreviations have some explaining to do.

We’ve Asked about the Clit, so Now, We Must Know... Have You Found the G-Spot?

"G-Spot rocks the G-Spot"

- G-Spot

What Is Your Preferred Mormon Position?

If only there was a third, separate portion of the chart that could create friction between these two...

How Far Can You Squirt?


Wouldn't you like to know.


What Level GYATT Do You Got?

We're almost through this folks.

Preferred Standard Position?

* TRF has regional differences often denoted by the spelling of "Fishbach/Fischbach," with the former involving a far more... aquatic approach.


For those who kept submitting variations of "your mom," the option presented here was a honeypot designed to gather all you wiseguys together in one spot. Thanks to your submissions, I now have all your emails, the majority of which are attached to this school and thus display your full name! We’re sending BUTTdrones to your home right now.

Describe Your Pubes in Terms of Vegetation

The hairs that get caught in and pulled by your belt are truly the rose's thorn.

You’ve Got a 10 in Bed. A Real qt3.14. I’m Talking a Real Awooga Awooga Boioioioioing Eyes Pop Out Hits Self over Head with Hammer. What Song Do You Put on to Set the Mood?

This is certainly... Eclectic!

Can I Fuck 🥺

  • No

  • Always

  • No. ;(

  • Okay babe

  • no

  • *May I fuck

  • Teehee maybe 🤭

  • Potentially youre the one getting pregnant tho

  • depends how far you can squirt

  • I guess

  • Only if you can keep up!!

  • You got a 401k?

  • my place or yours?

  • only if ur baxter.

  • definitely

  • no 🥹

  • Maybe...? UwU

  • Hey there, Delilah What's it like in New York city? I'm a thousand miles away But, girl, tonight you look so pretty Yes, you do Times Square can't shine as bright as you I swear, it's true Hey there, Delilah Don't you worry about the distance I'm right there if you get lonely Give this song another listen Close your eyes Listen to my voice, it's my disguise I'm by your side Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me What you do to me Hey there, Delilah I know times are gettin' hard But just believe me, girl Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar We'll have it good We'll have the life we knew we would My word is good Hey there, Delilah I've got so much left to say If every simple song I wrote to you Would take your breath away I'd write it all Even more in love with me you'd fall We'd have it all Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me A thousand miles seems pretty far But they've got planes and trains and cars I'd walk to you if I had no other way Our friends would all make fun of us And we'll just laugh along because we know That none of them have felt this way Delilah, I can promise you That by the time we get through The world will never ever be the same And you're to blame Hey there, Delilah You be good, and don't you miss me Two more years and you'll be done with school And I'll be makin' history like I do You'll know it's all because of you We can do whatever we want to Hey there, Delilah, here's to you This one's for you Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me Oh, it's what you do to me What you do to me Oh, whoa, whoa Oh whoa, oh Oh, oh

  • Please do I get no play 🥺

  • 🫦

  • 👉👈 buy me dinner first?

  • Match my energy

  • Ofc 🥵

  • 😛

  • Can you meow like a good little boy?

  • Maybe 🤔

  • Are you free Tuesday at 2pm?

  • take me to dinner first

  • I have a boyfriend 🤚

  • hell yeah brother 🦅🦅🇺🇲🇺🇲

  • Furries only

  • Yes absolutely

  • NO!

  • if you really want

  • Unfortunately your mom does it better

  • yes pwease yum yum yum

  • Ye

They love me... They really love me! Unfortunately for all of you, however, I'm spoken for.


Was it good for you? I sure hope it was. That about wraps up this deep dive into the fruits of passion festering here on campus for this year, though. Tune in next time for further titillation - we'll be waiting.


P.S. Remember to always pee after sex!

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