HOUSTON, TX— As per a viral report on X (formerly know as Twitter) published by Dexerto (https://twitter.com/Dexerto/status/1717639739741032873) published several months ago, popular Twitch streamer Kaitlyn Siragusa, better know to her fans as Amouranth, has partnered with a Polish beverage company called “The Order of Yoni” to develop a beer made of her vaginal yeast. Amouranth fans have long been awaiting new-and-improved merchandise from their favorite streamer, after having suffered bouts of severe pink eye resulting from opening the fart-jars they bought from her in 2022. Anticipating the release of the streamer’s new beer in early 2024, bars across the country are reportedly preparing for an uptick in customers and their body pillows.
Questions surrounding the cleanliness of such a beer made with vaginal yeast have been raised by many consumers. A spokesperson for the “The Order of Yoni” beer company, Cole D’One, went to social media website X to clarify to consumers that Amouranth’s new beer will be safe to drink and entirely sanitary, writing that “[…] as far as Amouranth is involved in our brewing process, what she sends us will ultimately make up less than 0.00005% of the contents of each bottle we brew.” Evidently, what the company’s higher-ups plan on doing with the remaining 149 gallons of vaginal yeast they have taken from Amouranth remains to be seen.
Since its announcement, the beer has garnered positive reviews from beer connoisseurs who were granted early access to the product. Bruce Skee, a prominent beverage reviewer for Alcoholics Inquisitive magazine, rated the beer five out of five stars but advised customers to “eat something citrusy like an orange or grapefruit,” to combat the beer’s pungent, bitter undertones. It is reported that Skee, after publishing his review online, went on to drink an entire twenty-four-pack of Amouranth’s yeast beer, prompting a bender that saw him dressing in an ill fitting bikini and sneaking into his neighbor’s hot tub to stream himself and ask for “subs” and “donations.”
At press time, the CEO of Pepperidge Farms has begun a company-wide research initiative to examine whether vaginal yeast could be used to produce hot-dog buns in a move many of his investors are calling “a little too obvious.”