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  • Writer's pictureBU Times Tribune

Man Lives in Constant Fear James Corden is the Only Good Person in Hollywood

As another week passes by yet again, it’s important to reflect on all of the Hollywood actors who were recently cancelled for one reason or another. With the most recent one being Alec Baldwin actually killing a person, the question on everyone’s mind is: which beloved or hated Hollywood actor is next? To find the answer to this question, The BUTT sent over a liaison to interview the world-renowned sociologist Steve Williams, a broken man who lives in a cluttered and dark house and probably hasn’t seen the light of day in at least five months, about who will be cancelled next.

“Every time a Hollywood actor is cancelled for whatever reason, the amount of truly ‘good’ actors decreases. A good actor isn’t necessarily defined as one who is exceptional at acting, but rather one who you can see and not think about any of the horrible things that they have done. Even if they’re still being hired for productions, that doesn’t make them a good actor. Take, for instance, Chris Pratt. Say what you will about his acting skills, but many people can watch him and think about his lack of a defense when he was outed for being homophobic, thus keeping him from being a good actor. And with this limiting pool it only means that, and may God have mercy on our souls, that James Corden may one day very well be the only good actor left” Williams said fearfully.

After taking out a cork board with pictures of celebrities and Twitter screenshots connected to each other, he frantically explained his hypothesis. “As of today, James Corden has somehow not done anything that would result in his cancellation. Sure, he’s said some shitty things to people and he’s just kind of dick overall, but he somehow hasn’t said anything that offends anyone. What this means is that one day, we could very well see a certain unfunny British schmuck in most pieces of media, as he would be the only actor left who hasn’t been cancelled. But that can’t be possible- there has to be some sort of cover-up, he can’t be the only good person in Hollywood, right?”

Our interview with Williams ended with him curling into a ball in the corner, crying.

The BUTT would like to dedicate this article to Steven Williams, as he was found dead in his house one week later, of a heart attack.

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