(Featuring "Big Butts, Bigger Brains" by Calvin Matthes)
Are you locked in? This is where you can finally put your cognitive decline to the test! Find out if those “harmless” hours scrolling through Instagram Reels affected your brain development at all.
1. You wake up in the morning; what’s the first thing you do?
A. Hit the griddy
B. Listen to Julia Ragbeer’s discography
C. Take a sip of flavored water out of Stanley cup
D. Watch the latest Costco guys TikTok
2. Your favorite meme format includes:
A. AI generated images that progressively get more AI generated
B. This 97 year old diner selling coke the old fashioned way
C. Depressing slideshow with relatable captions
D. Troll face
3. Pick the range of hours most applicable to your average screen time:
A. 18-20 hours
B. 10-12 hours
C. 7-9 hours
D. <5 hours
4. You open TikTok; what is the first video on your fyp?
A. Alpha male gymtok
B. Matt Rife comedy special with a split screen playing an episode of Family Guy
C. Chamoy Pickle Kit Review
D. 10 year old Sephora girl GRWM
5. Which trending sound on TikTok resonates with you the most?
A. Ian x DJHOLIDAYY unreleased song
B. Travis Scott FEIN Rizzlerremix
C. I LUV IT Camilla Cabello CupcakKe remix
D. Not telling you! I'm gatekeeping it
6. When you hear the name “Baby Gronk”, what comes to mind?
A. Fanum tax exceeded unc status
B. He rizzed up Livvy Dunne (Level 10 Gyatt)
C. Baby gronk mentioned W
D. Uhhh Gronk had a baby?
7. Pick a #sigma
A. Patrick Bateman
B. The Joker
C. Thomas Shelby
D. What’s a sigma? (Erm, what the sigma?)
8. Fill in the blanks: "Sticking out your _____ for the rizzler. You’re so _______, you're so Fanum tax. I just wanna be your _____."
A. gyatt; skibidi; sigma
B. pingas; skibidi; gyatt
C. butt; ugly; unc
D. tongue; pretty; sweetheart
9. Who’s your favorite character in the TikTok Rizz Party lore?
A. Turkish Quandale Dingle
B. Blue Tie Kid
C. White Shirt Guy
D. Random Guy
10. It’s Saturday night in Ohio; how do you spend it?
A. Gooning, edging, and mewing all at once
B. idk but I'll only be able to do it in Ohio
C. Leave
D. I heard Ohio State has a great football team!
Mostly As… Braindead
You’re a level 10 brain rot goon with zero IRL friends and are probably getting catfished by your discord girlfriend. You have no time for your family, school, or showering since you spend all your time watching Kai Cenat 24 hour live streams. You are 100% distracted in conversations since concentrating on your mewing streak to achieve ultimate mog status. Seriously, touch grass.
Mostly Bs… High Brain Rot
You should probably set app limits on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit—while you’re at it, maybe lock your phone in a drawer for a day or two. Take a walk, fix your posture, and drink some water. It’ll be okay<3
Mostly Cs… Regular Brain Damage
No need to fret, there's a glimmer of hope in your future! You might get the notification on TikTok to “take a break” here and there. You heard about mewing from your 13 year old cousin and are still kind of confused about what it means. You prefer Instagram Reels because it's just like TikTok but “better”.
Mostly Ds… Minimal Brain Rot Detection
Congratulations! You have little to no signs of brain rot damage. You probably spend most of your time studying. Your frontal lobe should develop just fine with perhaps a few minor setbacks.