Three Signs Your Waiter Is Former Democratic Candidate Beto O’Rourke
1) He Has a hard time serving large tables.
That’s strange, your waiter seems to really be having a hard time asserting himself. He was doing so well at the beginning, especially after you saw him laughing and connecting with that party of three a few tables over. They REALLY liked him. Maybe some people just work better with smaller tables.
2) He starts speaking Spanish for no reason
Wow, he’s just going for it. Right out of the gate. That’s a bit odd but, oh well, maybe he’s just nervous. Hopefully the other waiters don’t start copying him. Oh God, one of the other waiters just started speaking Spanish. Wait a minute, is that waiter Cory Booker?
3) He thinks he could do a better job than Ted Cruz
Actually, scratch that last one, that could be anyone.