University Announces Family Weekend Activities and All of Them Suck

Vestal, NY It’s all in the title really. Binghamton University has announced the activities your parents will be able to sign you up for when they visit next weekend, and all of them sound awful. Of the activities described on their official list, none of them sound like things anyone would actually want to do with their parents.

The central issue with all of the activities the university has prepared is that they presuppose that I want my parents to learn more about my life at college and to put it simply, I don’t. I don’t object to them visiting me per se, but under no circumstances should they ever actually learn anything about my life at college outside of a handful of extremely specific, extremely controlled circumstances. 

Do you want to go to an open house of the college and/or department that you are a part of? No, because then they might meet my friends or worse, my professors, or even worse, people I dislike. (I would say my enemies to fit the structure of that sentence, but that seems a little much.) We should stick to parts of campus, or better yet parts of the city that I have never actually been to, so there is no risk they meet anyone who I have feelings about. 

Do you want to go to a concert of a bunch of student bands? No, because again someone I actually know might be there, and also I know for a fact that my parents have heard enough actually good versions of Creep by Radiohead that they wouldn’t get much out of the experience either. An a cappella show might be a bit better, but still; what if other people make the same set of assumptions and then they show up to the a cappella show and now I have to explain to my parents the context of my short lived but very emotionally charged relationship with someone?

Watching one of the university’s sports teams play a game might be a bit better, but then my parents might expect me to have actual thoughts, opinions or emotional investment in them, and I’m not sure if I or you could actually manage that unless it’s a team you have friends on (or a person of the appropriate sex who you have a crush on) it, in which case see the sections above. Sports are better, but you have to play it by ear.

I would personally recommend that your best bet is to have your parents take you to Walmart and buy you junk food, if they are okay with things like that. Buying Doritos at the dining hall is just a scam, and your parents might be willing to spoil you if they are in a suitable mood. You should also get them to take you to dinner somewhere; there aren’t any actually good restaurants in Binghamton (a couple of the Mexican restaurants are fine though) but they are generally better than the dining halls. 

Surviving visits from your parents and the university’s cringe inducing efforts to get us to socialize is a challenge all college students must overcome, and we each need to find our own solutions. The university does not help at all, but with sufficient emotional effort and planning ahead, you can do it. Just remember: under no circumstances should you allow your parents to sign you up for any of the activities the university has actually planned out.