Binghamton University Introduces “Newspeak” Language Courses

Everyone knows that lying within all of us is the pure and unfettered essence of humanity, urging to burst out. For millenia, it has long been rendered latent through the deafening simplicity of traditional human language Oldspeak. Fortunately, for those looking for all that lost excitement, spice and oomph in life, Binghamton University now has a great  perfect doubleplusgood fit for you! The English Socialist Coalition of Binghamton University BINGSOC has lobbied endlessly for its long overdue recognition by the language department, but we are now ready to welcome our newest and speakiest addition to the curriculum: Newspeak!

Newspeak is easy to learn and comes with many practical uses. No longer will you find yourself expressing dissent feeling lost, threatening the absolute domination of the Party avoiding responsibilities, or having crazy good sex after work turning to bad habits, as Newspeak is the only language in the world that exclusively prioritizes the elevation of the self. Through our four-stage program, you will come out feeling the newest that you could ever be! If any of your friends eye the junior spies in a weird way  smash their telescreens into pieces  badmouth the though police have nothing better to do, point them towards our program in order to experience extreme, torturous psychological conditioning forcefully administered over the course of your lifespan the joyous wonders of Newspeak!

Newspeak operates under a certain set of principles that are quite simple to understand. Every university-goer nowadays is under the assumption that the institution runs similarly to an authoritarian regime, and it's true! I mean is it really a coincidence that one of our colleges is named after an industrialist who established direct connections to a corporate subsidiary of Nazi Germany through his administration of what was once one of America’s dominant technological enterprises? However, we’re already given freedom, such as our freedom to choose which student candidates we want to give our votes to. Trust the democratic process, after all. The authoritarianism is not so authoritarian, right? Now with that in mind, just bring up any of these points in natural conversation depending on how convenient they are for you in the current situation and endlessly repeat until the ideological integrity of your own argument is reduced to a mere slurry. Hey, you’re getting the hang of this! Though, you're also not getting the hang of this. You're not actually reducing the ideological integrity of your arguments to a slurry. You are aware that it's all based on an exaggerated and politically unfeasible fictional concept hailing from a silly dystopian novel (which is also real life), right?

Courses are taken exclusively in the group facility for the university’s own Department of Love Departluv and Department of Truth Departtrue. We must note though that room 101 is temporarily out of service in order to address the ongoing “rat problem”. Do not worry though, as maintenance is working on adding at least 200 more of them to keep our political prisoners students company. If you have any pledges of undying loyalty questions for us, don’t be afraid to come over! Happy learning and Big Brother is watching you!