With all the attention geared towards yesterday’s rank festivities, the coast is now clear for those who wish to “light it up” in a most inconspicuous means. The very first pot joint that sells weed outside of New York City in the state of New York did recently open up in Binghamton, New York, after all, so now would be the perfect time to nab some post-doobieday blunts at a discount. Regardless of whether you get it from Just Breathe or your chill Telegram dealer, the stage is set for a total blazefest. So what should you do now that you have it? The most active, engaging, and thought provoking activity of all: consuming media! Here’s some certified kino to slonk it up to.
Forbidden Zone
Celebrate a belated Oingo Boingo Day with this wacky exploration into the mind of Danny Elfman and the Mystic Knights. Detailing devilish interdimensional debauchery through song, Forbidden Zone is certainly an experience, to say the least. We implore you to pick up the latest edition that digitally replaces scenes featuring blackface with what Elfman refers to as “clown-face,” which is something he apparently always intended to do but didn’t have the chance to at the time of production due to several constraints. Being one of the most successful music score composers ever after the fact didn’t seem to lift these constraints, however, as removing this scene from the eighties took him about four decades to change just a few seconds of film. With all of that in mind, Film Threat magazine dubbed the film "the Citizen Kane of underground movies,” so it’s probably good.
Tusk
Coming straight from the mind of Kevin Smith, the coolest cat around, Tusk is a dark comedy that certainly isn’t for everyone. Luckily, unlike most of the recommendations here, this film has been peer-reviewed by at least one person who you could say has smoked weed at least once in their life. If cartoonish comeuppance through light body horror sounds humorous and not horrifying to you, something special awaits.
Bubble
At first glance, Bubble may appear to be the same sort of schmaltzy romantic schlock Makoto Shinkai has conditioned audiences to expect out of anime films (since they’re such a widespread phenomenon enjoyed by the general public outside of Dragon Ball), but Tetsurō Araki blows this notion away like some sort of thin sphere of liquid enclosing air or another gas. I could sit here and explain to you its intricate plot, but for the purposes of this article, here’s what you need to know: there’s low-gravity parkour tournaments, the anime girlification of bubbles with eyes that are farther apart than my parents and a design that looks like it was AI generated, a sexy emo boy, and a climax that will totally, like, blow your mind, man. You can find Bubble on, get this, Netflix. That being said, it’s funnier if you pirate it.
Pink Floyd - The Wall
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU’RE HIGH. EVERYONE CAN TELL. YOUR ROOMMATES ARE TELLING THE RA. THE POLICE ARE COMING. YOUR FAMILY HAS BEEN NOTIFIED.
THEY’RE GONNA FUCKING GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU WILL BE CAUGHT. WE ARE WATCHING YOU THROUGH YOUR PHONE’S CAMERA. THE SCHOOL HAS TRACKED YOU READING THIS THROUGH EDUROAM. YOU WILL BE EXPELLED. THEY’RE COMING.
YOU ARE CONTROLLED
EACH AND EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE IS PREDICATED UPON AGONY AND EXPLOITATION. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. YOUR IDOLS ARE MONSTERS. THE STATE KNOWS YOU INTIMATELY AND WOULD KILL YOU WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT. THE MEDIA WOULD JUST AS EASILY JUSTIFY IT.
YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER
YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER YOU DESERVE TO SUFFER
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠁ 👁️ ⠄⢹⣿⡗⠄ 👁️ ⢄⡀⣾⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
This one’s fantastic even when you aren’t off the goop! Rendered in a gorgeously painting-esque cel shading style and sometimes intentionally choppy to mimic Spiderverse but only during fight scenes for some reason, Puss’ return to the big screen is a solid story with amazing characters, bombastic set pieces, and what is perhaps the most groundbreaking scene in all of animation history: a realistic depiction of a panic attack. No wonder it made $500 million in theaters! I hope it makes more at home. The gorgeous visuals and anything John “I Cheated On My Wife and Had a Bastard Crack Baby” Mulaney’s Jack Horner does on screen are more than enough to dazzle any doink and/or dab takers alone, so it’s great that the film offers even more.
Remember to always clean your pipes, drink lots of water, and know your limits! Happy hookahing and enjoy the show!