A Proposal for the Modernization of Club Budgets

The current system of club funding has made many people angry this year, with multiple groups claiming they did not receive enough money to operate properly. This is obviously a result of inefficient market allocation. As an economist trained in ethical shock therapy at the University of Chicago, I have a proposal to the student association to fix their chronic budget woes: Allow the free market to solve our problems!

The emergence of a market for club funding is currently being brutally suppressed by a budget allocation process that frankly functions like a Soviet-style quota board. For those unfamiliar with the diabolic process that currently serves as the operative mechanism for each club at this school, here is how it works. Firstly, you get a charter (This first step takes on average about five years.) Second, once you are a chartered club at the university, you approach the Student Association’s Financial Committee, and request an operating budget for the next year. The only remaining step is to leave your budget’s fate in the hands of the committee, who must assemble an exact dollar amount to assign to each club for the final budget.

Markets are far more efficient at allocating resources than humans could ever be, however this is obviously not only a stupid way to do things, but it is also Communist, anti-freedom, and anti-American. I propose the following changes:

1. Abolish the financial committee and replace it with a new “Student Association Currency Exchange Board”

2. Transform the operating budget for the Student Association into a reserve held by the association, and begin circulation of a new currency for use only by clubs

3. Hold the Student Association’s USD reserves to guarantee a 1:1 peg on the exchange rate between the Student Association Token and the dollar

4. Allow clubs to exchange their Tokens for dollars when they want to host events, and to trade tokens among each other to allow natural market forces of supply and demand to decide which clubs end up with tokens

5. Allow the currency exchange board to “print” new tokens into the club economy periodically, by initially allocating tokens based on the current criteria used by the financial committee, and then allowing the market to decide where tokens end up by the end of the year

6. Float the value of the token against the dollar and allow the market to decide its value

7. Get administration to allow tokens to be used by clubs to pay for food on campus

8. Fully functioning campus market economy.

In six simple steps, this is how we will revolutionize club spending. This plan will ensure freedom and capitalism come to the student association and we never get turned into a terrible Marxist shithole.