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  • Edgar Joyce

Student Somehow Already Failing All Courses

BINGHAMTON, NY — At 10 AM this Morning Jeffrey Stower, A Harper Sophomore checked his MyCourses to find multiple messages notifying him that he was likely going to fail every course he was enrolled in.

“I just wanted to make sure I had class today, and then the news hit me!” said Stower when interviewed by reporters for The BUTT.

Friends and family of Stower say that the news comes as no surprise, however, they were not expecting to be notified about his failures so early on in the semester. “Last time it took about two months, but I guess with the Sophomore slump factored in it only makes sense” said Mother Stower.

“This will happen from time to time, as there is no hope for some people” said Dr. Larry Bachnet an Education professor whose studies focus on slackers, and scoundrels in higher education. “We know enough about slackers to know that Mr. Stower, and many others, are unlikely to pass even one of their classes this semester. With this information we can notify the students immediately to save us all a little time" he continued to explain.

For more information on failing students, The BUTT will provide up to date news and cutting edge stories and photorealism.

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