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  • Sal Phisher

Opinion: Random COVID Checks Are Unfairly Targeting Students That Left the State Over the Weekend


I don’t believe in “random chance,” so this weekend I decided to perform an experiment. I held a meeting with everyone on my floor, including two RA’s in our floor lounge, claiming it was a Covid emergency. Then I told them that I was going to Delaware for the weekend (the state, not the on-campus building) just to see if I would get selected for testing. Wouldn’t you know it, someone narc'd and I got an email confirming my suspicions.


Trust no one. Especially third floor Smith (the on-campus building, not the person).


I don’t even see what the big deal is. Delaware is doing just fine with the pandemic. Hell, on average, people there were wearing masks more than me. I was in the hospital for a whole day and I only saw one person who tested positive for Covid. She wasn’t doing so great but still, those are pretty good numbers.


I’m honestly considering just faking my test. As a sophomore, I think I’m pretty good at that. It’s just a lot of effort for something that could get me kicked off campus. Like why should I have to lose housing for a violation someone else noticed? My family lawyer, Rod Erata, doesn’t think it’s a good idea to put two plastic tubes into my nasal cavity so nothing actually gets swabbed but what does he know? He’s not my doctor.


Feel free to run this test yourself and record the results. I think I’m all the proof we need, but we might need a sample size of about 2,000 people to really be decisive. Do it for science!

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