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  • Alex Weiner

Opinion: The University Hand Sanitizer is Delicious, No Sign Will Stop Me

If you’re on campus, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve seen it, you’ve passed it, and you might’ve even used it tons of times at this point. However, what you may not know is that the university’s hand sanitizer is one of the most delicious things in the area.

I was on my way to a class in Lecture Hall when I first tried it. I was tired from my long walk there, and hungry because I couldn’t stand to eat dining hall food for another day. “There was no way that I could make it through the next class,” I remember thinking to myself. But that’s when I saw it on top of the table: the hand sanitizer. The thought of tasting it crossed my mind, but I knew I couldn’t get caught. Once I made sure that no one was around, I snuck in a taste.

It was the greatest choice I had ever made. The smooth texture, the scent, and the hint-of-lemon flavor, everything about the hand sanitizer I soon realized was to make it taste better. Just like that, I was back. A feeling of adrenaline coursed through me and I was ready for my lecture. Trying this hand sanitizer out for yourself is a culinary experience that I can’t recommend more.

I kept going around campus, in search of more hand sanitizer for days. Sometimes, I’d take some for later, others I’d take it straight from the pump. I thought I had it all figured out, that I would be able to keep doing this forever. However, I got caught by someone. Once he saw what I was doing, he started calling out to me, saying “Hey, that’s supposed to be for hand use only”, like someone who didn’t know any better. I figured that nothing bad would happen because of this. Afterall, what can someone who is so obviously blind to the facts have enough of an impact to take away my hand sanitizer? Much to my dismay, the next day I found a sign by it, saying “for hand use only”.

I felt insulted. There I was, being deprived of the basic human right to food and drink - of which the sanitizer served both. However, this sign wasn’t going to stop me. I’m not going to stop getting the sustenance that gets me through the day on a regular basis. To those of you who have also found enlightenment, I ask that we resist. Together, we can show that the university’s hand sanitizer should be for any kind of use.

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