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  • Sue Donim

Op-Ed: Sex Isn't Real

As Sex Week came to a close last week, I found myself thinking: “No way. No way that’s actually a thing.” Thus, I set out on a research project to determine the answer to the question: do people actually do that? The answer, as any reasonable reader could surmise, is an obvious “NO.”

My first piece of evidence to demonstrate my argument are the blatant logical fallacies that coincide with the idea of sex. Think about it. Would you really put your pee-pee anywhere near a girl? No! Pee comes from there! Why would anybody want to pee in a beautiful woman? And don’t even get me started about the things people have been saying they’re doing with their mouths… that’s even less believable than the pee-pee stuff!

The second thing that makes me not believe in sex is all of that stuff about pregnancy. Everybody knows that’s not how that works. Nobody will tell me exactly what happens to get someone pregnant, but I’m certain that it can’t be that. How would that even work? There’s no biological basis for it. It’s ridiculous!

I think my points are more than sensible- they’re irrefutable! Sex isn’t real, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, dear reader. In this world of fake news being spread across the internet, never let your guard down. Be like me and laugh in the face of anybody who uses silly, made-up words like “cervix” or “gonorrhea.”

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