1. You can decrypt this extraterrestrial message: Is Baby Gronk the New Drip King, or is
he just getting Rizzed Up by Livvy?
Only an alien, incomprehensible mind could understand these new, strange words.
2. You like your toast with jam.
It doesn’t matter what kind. You have just made your bread crispy, then subsequently added a substance that makes it soggy. That’s just terrible. I mean, what texture do you want!? Squishy, with a crunchy outside!? Just get a breakfast sandwich from Appalachian dining hall at that point!
3. You speak “French.”
Ah, yes, a “real language, with a long and illustrious history.” Or is it? In fact, there is a great likelihood of French being a social experiment conducted by the Aliens to see if they could make a language so foul, it would unite humanity against it. Instead, humanity made it one of the official working languages of the United Nations.
4. You support PETA despite the records proving that they kill animals.
Unfortunately, PETA is more than just silly stunts and pranks, as the records of the State
5. You believe in birds.
Unfortunately, birds have been extinct for over fifty years, after joint efforts by the
United States Government and Aliens replaced them all with mammals. No, not with
drones! With mammals, shaped like birds! So they can give milk now! It was a weird and
arguably stupid decision, but it is what happened. The platypus is a failed experiment of
theirs! IT ALL FITS!!!
6. You enjoy AI art.
This is the least supported one, as it may just mean you have awful taste in art (or
appreciate the nsfw side of it, you filthy pervert). However, it is also an attempt by the
Aliens to make us docile towards mechanical minds, in preparation for the robot
overlords they will use to subjugate us.
7. Have eaten the food from Hinman.
It contains chemicals that will makes us docile, and domesticated, so as to make us
excellent pets for the alien children. And while some of you may be into that (whatever
floats your boat, my dude), for the rest of us, this a bad situation. I, for one, do not wish
to be renamed “Mr. Floodle-Doodle.”
8. You know who Chris-Chan is.
If you don’t know, please; keep your innocence intact, dear child.
9. You don’t know who PSY is.
Where were you in 2012?
10. Your Favorite Dinosaur is the T. Rex.
Any real fan of dinosaurs thinks that you are basic, and the aliens are annoyed that you
have ignored the majority of the fossils they planted for us to find. Personally, I prefer the
good old Suchomimus.
11. You Have Read the Forbidden Baxter x Stenger Yaoi.
Unfortunately for those who have already borne witness to those two lovebirds, it contained subliminal messaging from the extraterrestrials, in between all those hot erotic interesting panels.
12. You think that I’m wrong.
For those of you who brush me off as a conspiracy theorist, or a crackpot with too much Kool-Aid in my system, I have one simply response for you.