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  • Ellie Campbell

Op-Ed: Bring Back the Monarchy, but Only if I'm in Charge of It

The recent presidential debates and following news have left many across the country wondering if a democratic republic is really the best way to govern a country, specifically ours. With political infighting that leaves most Americans feeling lost, perhaps it would be better if one person led - or rather, ruled - our country.


I would like to nominate myself as Queen.


Now, I know what you’re thinking, “why should we elect you, random BUTT writer?” The answer is simple: I should be the Queen of America because I deserve it.


My qualifications begin with the fact that I am a business major, which might not mean much, but we have already elected into the office of presidency. I am currently taking an economics class, so I know what makes money get big. I can also make a speech without saying something offensive. Once again, this might seem obvious, but apparently it’s more than we need to have someone head our country.


Beyond that, I am simply always right. There has never been a documented point where I have been wrong about something, which is why I had 110% average in high school. For political reasons, I wasn’t allowed to be valedictorian. Something about me forging school documents, unimportant.


In addition, I have comprehensive plans in action to address climate change, police brutality, and our issues with the coronavirus pandemic. Mostly, however, I am really pretty, and everyone should pledge allegiance to my face.


Binghamton, and varying parents who read this, take this as my formal application.


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