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“Oh My God it’s March,” says Professor Waking Up From Winter Hibernation

BINGHAMTON, NY — “I just had no idea it would come so fast. How many lectures have I missed?” said Dr. Eldridge Could, Professor of Philosophy at Binghamton University, moments after waking from his months long rest. Reporters have been patiently awaiting his awakening for weeks after students noted that their professor had not made a single appearance this semester.


While many unfamiliar with the story may have been shocked to hear of his slumber, those more familiar with Could know this to be regular behavior for the old professor.


Dr. Flint Horne, a member of the Philosophy department who has been filling in for Could, noted that this is not the first time that this kind of thing has happened. “Who could forget ‘The Great Sleep of 78’ when Eldridge Slept the entirety of the Spring Semester only to return and request sabbatical that fall?” Horne related.


Others are more wary of this particular slumber and have grown suspicious of Could’s behavior. “I think the sack was faking it all along. I caught him looking through the fridge last weekend, and all he had to say was ‘this is technically still hibernation’” said Mrs. Teresa Could to reporters from The BUTT. While the motive for this slumber is not clear, many are happy to see the Professor return to classes following the Winter Break.


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