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  • Brendan Boyce

Here Are the Companies That Will Be Sponsoring the Next US Shipment of Weapons to Ukraine

In America’s newest attempt to support Ukraine, children can now gamble away their parents' money to help the war effort. For every Raid Shadow Legends Loot Crate bought, 3 or 4 cents will be spent on missiles and ammunition to kill communist pigs. Finally, microtransactions can be a positive in this world, like the time I bought a skin in Overwatch that made Widowmaker’s ass look great. Other companies that wanted to be known for something other than obnoxious ads people skip over soon followed suit by following the hot new trend of being super pro-Ukraine.

Manscaped pledged to give a percent of their profit to Ukraine, and boast a new razor so fine that you can shave “Fuck Russia” on your taint, to let anyone eating your ass know your political view on the war. Raycon will buy a 7.62 round destined for the heart of a young Russian soldier that doesn’t want to fight for every user that plays “Ukraine Will Not Perish” on their shitty airpod ripoffs. For every BUTTCoin bought on, the company will give the Ukrainian military NFTs of guns. For every single Vbuck purchased on the Epic Games Store, Epic Games will give their players a personalized message telling them how much of a crippling disappointment they are to their family, and will also donate a chug jug to a horrifically injured Ukrainian civilian selected at random.

Although I have my critiques of capitalism, this is a great example of how corporations can hop on a trend as a marketing ploy and do nothing to help anyone whatsoever. Wars are not won with brute force, or diplomacy, or strategy, but by claiming your reward code for a completely free Epic Raid Shadow Legends character. Build out your deck, immerse yourself in the complex customizable RPG systems, and win epic duels in PvP combat so you can convince yourself that you aren’t wasting your life that slowly passes by you, one day at a time, as a quietly building cynical malaise creeps it’s way into every aspect of your life until you don’t care about anything in life but the sweet, sweet nectar of another epic PvP victory in Raid Shadow Legends.

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