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Heartbreaking: BUTT Writer Still Thinks it Could Lead To A Career in Writing

The Binghamton University Times Tribune, more commonly known as the BUTT, is the school’s only comedic satire newspaper. Whether or not it’s really comedic or not is hardly up for debate, as people’s views on it typically differs by party affiliation, and even then, everyone can agree that “It’s like the Onion, but worse.”

However, this led us to the question of who are the writers of this newspaper? Nobody really knows who they, are since all of their names sound really generic, like they couldn’t possibly belong to a real person. So again we ask, who are the writers of the BUTT? What are their dreams, their aspirations? And finally, do they really think they are funny enough to push out an article nearly every day of the week?

It’s for this last reason that we called in psychology major Jessica Westover, to evaluate the following interview BUTT secretary and writer: Alex Weiner.

Here’s a snippet of that interview:

Inteviewer: So, let's start with an easy one: why did you become a writer for the BUTT?

Alex: (Laughs) Well, it’s funny actually, I heard there was a satirical newspaper at UFest (remember those?) and I thought I would be great at that and enjoy it, so I joined.

I suppose that’s why we’ve all joined the clubs we’re now in. Now, you’ve written plenty of articles for the BUTT, which one do you think your favorite was?

Oh, I think it would have to be the one about the university’s hand sanitizer. I basically just made a copypasta for it, and it was a lot of fun to make.

I’ll be completely honest, I didn’t read that one, or really any of the BUTT’s articles. May I ask you a question?

That’s why I’m here isn’t it?

(Laughs a bit uncomfortably) Why yes, I suppose it is. Anyway, what’s your major?

As of right now, I’m a human development major, but I’m thinking about transferring into something else.

That’s interesting, do you have any ideas about what you’d transfer into?

Just a couple ideas, still have a lot to sort out. One of the ones that stands out is English.

Oh really, why that?

Well, it’s actually because of the BUTT. I’ve come to really enjoy writing satire so I was thinking that it could land me a job sometime in the future for writing in a TV show or something.

And you really think that’s possible.

Of course I do.

After the whole two hour long interview, Westover felt satisfied enough to give her evaluation. “Well, this is a really sad and depressing case. Alex definitely appears to experience delusions of grandeur. He actually wholeheartedly believes that writing for the BUTT could land him a job later on. It’s incredible, truly, how far he went to justify to himself that he could make it. It’s going to be a real sobering moment for all of us once he realizes that being a BUTT writer won’t take him anywhere.”

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