• Alex Weiner

FUCK YOU: How Hard Is It To Make a Fucking Pancake at 6PM?



Picture this: It’s 5:50 PM on a Wednesday, and you can do anything you want until 7, which is when the weekly BUTT Writer’s Meeting starts in CW 315. But now it’s time for dinner, and you know what? You’re craving pancakes. We’ve all been there. Who hasn’t wanted pancakes for dinner? But you think to yourself: But wait… where can I get pancakes on campus at 5:50 on Wednesday? And all of a sudden you remember that there’s a place in the marketplace called Breakfast and Beyond- surely they must have pancakes there. After all, it’s a breakfast place, why wouldn’t they serve pancakes there?


So, you make your way to the marketplace. Once you arrive, you see in all of its glory- Breakfast and Beyond. Over the past couple of minutes, you’ve hyped yourself up for these mid-tier pancakes. You’re excited for them. There’s only one thing that’s keeping you going in this life and that’s the pancakes you’re about to eat. So you go up to the guy taking orders and ask for 4 pancakes and a side of bacon (because you’re in a good mood, and you know what- you deserve it). And this guy looks you straight in the eyes, straight into your soul and says “yeah, we don’t serve that after a certain time”.


However, there’s a part of you that thinks something up. Who knows, maybe they lied to you so they wouldn’t have to work. So you search up the place online and find out that it has a breakfast menu and a brunch menu that starts at 2. And you realize on that menu they have waffles and a bacon cheeseburger. They totally could have made you those pancakes and bacon.


And just like that, your day is ruined.


If you’re thinking at this point that this story has been pretty oddly specific and it had to have happened to the writer, then you’d be right. This happened nearly a week ago at this point, and I’m still angry about it. If you can make a waffle, then you can make a pancake since the ingredients are the same. So why the fuck couldn’t they just make the pancakes? And they already had bacon from the cheeseburger so why not just make only the bacon and not the burger? These people had all of the ingredients necessary to make pancakes and bacon, and they chose not too.


And another thing- It’s not brunch! Why the fuck is the brunch menu a thing from 2-8 PM? It’s called brunch for a reason: it takes place between breakfast and lunch. 2:00 PM isn’t between breakfast and lunch, but rather lunch and dinner! Why the fuck is it a brunch menu? I’m personally outraged by all of this, and you know what, you should too. We’re paying how much to attend this fine establishment as students and we can’t even have pancakes after 2:00 PM? I didn’t realize that Binghamton was in the Soviet Union. Us students are being taken advantage of by the university, and I am disgusted by it and will not rest until we all have access to pancakes for dinner, so that no one else will have their hopes shattered again like mine once were.





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