In the wake of the "Emergency First Responders Protection Act" being recently passed in Broome County, a “top ten list” of what Broome County Police consider to be the most “annoying” minorities was released by the department. “We figured it was about time the minority public knew exactly what we found annoying about them so maybe they could change for the better. Call it goodwill for the holidays!” Broome County Officer, Miranda Snubbs told reporters. “I mean, we’ve had these rankings for decades! Every year we do a fun little swap with a precinct from a different state to compare rankings. It’s become a great holiday tradition to see how despite any amount of distance, we’re not so different after all.”
Alongside each number ranking, the list contains a few key phrases to signify specific traits found annoying. These include “speaking foreign,” “having an unseasonable tan,” and “being too urban.” The online version of the list also includes a link labeled “file your complaints here,” but our researchers found that instead of filing a complaint, the link triggers your webcam, taking a photo of you and sending to the Department of Homeland Security.
“I admit that even I can get a little overly annoyed sometimes,” said Broome County Chief of Police Jeff Brown in a public statement this Friday. “Like this one time I was at Wegmans and this guy, who happened to be black, took what was obviously the juiciest pear. I wanted to arrest him right then and there but I forgot to bring my gun that day so, you know, what are you gonna do? Who knows, maybe he’ll annoy me again when I’m first responding to a miscellaneous bullet wound he develops but, for now, his annoyance is in check.”
The Broome County Police Department intends to update the list every year.