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Beat The System With These Covid Test Tips

For some college students, successfully passing a covid test may sound even more daunting than passing a class exam, especially in the wake of a second wave of the pandemic. Let’s face it, this online semester only happens twice in a year, and one covid test probably won’t deter any virus lover from getting belligerently sick over the course of 24 hours. If you’re nervous about passing a covid test but still want to take part in some COVID action, follow these tips to help flush out the sickness and still secure that in-person hangout.


1. Detox your body


Although water is often thought to be the cure to every issue in the book, drinking bottles of Poland Spring every day probably won’t save you in this situation. Drinking unnecessary and excessive amounts of water a few days before the test is not only a waste of time, but also can be extremely harmful to your body. Instead, drink the recommended daily amount of water, two to three liters, during the day of your test. Your urine should then be clear instead of bright yellow or dark-colored, which means it is diluted. To be extra safe, stick to a healthy and balanced diet weeks before the test to naturally detox your body. It’s also helpful to mention that passing a urinalysis test doesn’t mean you have to be 100 percent COVID-free — you just need to be below the threshold for the test, which is usually 50 ng/mL.


2. Avoid exercise the day before a test


This may sound odd since exercising naturally rids the body of toxins, but working out within 24 hours of a test can spike virus levels in your bloodstream at a faster rate. This doesn’t mean you should stop exercising overall, but you should probably avoid going hard at the gym right before covid test day.


3. Be careful of how much and how often you consume


When consuming anything with coronavirus, it’s best to take into account how much you consume and how often you consume it. If you’re a heavy user, you’re more likely to fail a covid test than someone who only takes one sneeze or enjoys hanging out in-person every month or so. To be safe, go two to three weeks without going in a crowded area, or even one month for extra precaution. When deciding how much to ingest, be aware of your body fat levels, as the virus is stored within fat cells and may linger in the body longer.


4. Go green


Sorry, coviders, but this doesn’t mean exposing yourself to more covid. Weeks before a covid test, make sure you’re consuming a lot of green vegetables like broccoli and kale, as they’re good sources of vitamins and naturally help the body's antibodies. If you’re not a big fan of eating vegetables, try a green juice to clean out your system. To save money, juice your own vegetables rather than buying expensive detox drinks.


5. Do your research


Before getting sick out of your mind on October 2020, make sure you do your research on coronavirus to decrease the chance of failing a covid test. According to Medical News Today, first-time coughers who touch a single contaminated surface have a detection window of about three days. For those who lick surfaces three or four times a week, the detection window increases to five to seven days. And for true covidheads, hanging out in crowds every day has a detection window of at least 30 days. Urine tests typically can detect COVID approximately three to 30 days after use, so plan accordingly when getting high.


(This article is graciously based in parody of a Pipe Dream article about passing a drug test, somehow posted last year)


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