• Max Lieber

5 Ways To Tell If Your Roommate is a Pod Person Through Their Body Language



We get it. Living with roommates isn't easy. Sometimes, they do something that really gets on your nerves. However, there's a fine line between a normal, healthily abusive relationship between you and your roommate, and the possibility that the change in your relationship is due to the fact that your roommate is no longer your roommate. If your roommate exhibits any one of the behaviors on the following list, there's a good chance that you could be living with a Pod Person.


1. They give you a mischievous, knowing grin that says “you know I’m a Pod Person, but nobody will believe you if you say I’ve been replaced by an extraterrestrial organism that survives by mimicking the behavior of its host"



Trust your gut. Our brains are naturally designed to detect when something is “off” about a person. If you think your roommate is acting weirder than usual, then you’re probably right. Make sure you ignore anyone who tells you to go to a therapist; you know what you’ve seen.


2. They do that weird jiggly-wiggly thing with their eyes wayyyy too much



This one’s tricky as humans can sometimes do it too. Someone might do this as a neat party trick, or simply to scare you when you come out of the shower. However, what you should worry about is when they start doing this ALL the time. There’s a certain point when everyone stops laughing at it, and it just becomes uncomfortable. Not cool, pod freak.


3. They force you to tuck in their “green therapy bag”


When your roommate told you about their “green therapy bag”, you might have initially thought nothing of it. However, you started to become suspicious when they insisted they had to “prepare it for bed” every night, doing so through an elaborate process of caressing it, gently kissing it, and singing “My Precious Little Pod” to it before tucking it in. It was a little weird, but just quirky. It started to become a problem, though, when they started making you do it.


In all reality, they are most likely gaslighting you, and that “green therapy bag” is most likely their pod. Forcing you to “pod-sit” their pod is genuinely abusive behavior, and it’d be a good idea to set some boundaries so that this won’t continue to be an issue.


4. They point at you and let out a blood curdling screech, attracting other Pod People to their location


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When they start doing this one, that’s when you KNOW you’ve got a problem. In a healthy relationship between two normal humans, this would never happen. You should definitely consider distancing yourself from this person. Otherwise, you risk allowing their “friends” potentially finding you, sedating your body, and transforming you from a healthy human being into an emotionally dead organic husk that merely resembles a human in form.


5. Į̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ ̷̛̻̬̖̤̭̆͗̊̈́̽̌́͆͊̓͐͠͝Ī̷̘̥̘̼̩̜́̊͆̈̏̎̀̓̔̿̚͝ ̶̨̝̺̺̘̣̗̣̼̗̦̋͋̀̎̐͊́̊̋̑͝L̷̡̛͎̜͖̈́̐̓͐̒͂͗̾̄̚͝O̸̢̧̟̯̭̹̹̪͙͓̗̗̘̐V̵̨̛̜͓̪̯̪̲͎̦̰̈́͌̅̅̉̃̈́͌̔͐̕̕̕͘Ẹ̸̾̆̑̐̇͘ ̸̟͍̣̜̜̭̼͎̦̞̏̏͊̓̔̎̋͊̏̈́͌͘͠Ť̵̲͎̖̰̯̹̙͇̮̳̔́͛̃́̑͆͠Ḩ̶̪̲̮̝͖̹̉̿̍̒̓̕̕͜͝Ȅ̴̩̦̙̜̳̯͓̦͖̳͓͈̏̍͌͜͠͝ ̷̲̥̦̂͊̓̄͗̏P̵̢͙͈̖̫̬̳͆̓́̊́̎̈̂̋̐̓͝Ö̵̮̗̯͎̥̝̖͔̭̝͈͓͈̬́̈̂̕̚̕D̵̢̗̳͑̎ ̴̩͉̝̬̖͔͓̖̓͋̀̆̀̿̇̆̔̾I̴̛̯̦̠̠͓̙͐̄̃̒ ̷͇̰̐͑̀͂̿͛̆̍̔̉̎̇̐̕͝L̸̛̖͙͚̼͕̥̰͌͂̒͑͆O̸̧̻̱̘̬̻̩̩͋̓͒͛̾̈́̎̒̂̔͆͒͝V̷̧̤̗̹̠̐́̄̏͒̈͌̏̕͠Ȩ̶̞̞͓̳̤̤̖̈́̂̓̂̀̉͗̾͝ ̷̬͕̠͖͉̼̤̯̍̾̊̈́͜ͅT̴̡̼̤̯̙͈͍̪̱̭̱̒͊̃̓̂̉̔̇̐̓̂̎̇H̸̡͇̗̦͖̖̳͍̺̓̃ͅE̴͇̠͉̋̍ ̷̧̳̤̯̜̻͎̭̫̞̞̟͚͐̈́̐̈́͊̍̓P̴̢̧̛͕̠̲͔̼͉͍̦̠̻͙̞̱̈́͆̐̏̔͝O̴̢̧̦̗̭̜͙̱̿̒D̶̯̭̬̙̈́͗́͜͝ͅĮ̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ Į̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ ̷̛̻̬̖̤̭̆͗̊̈́̽̌́͆͊̓͐͠͝Ī̷̘̥̘̼̩̜́̊͆̈̏̎̀̓̔̿̚͝ ̶̨̝̺̺̘̣̗̣̼̗̦̋͋̀̎̐͊́̊̋̑͝L̷̡̛͎̜͖̈́̐̓͐̒͂͗̾̄̚͝O̸̢̧̟̯̭̹̹̪͙͓̗̗̘̐V̵̨̛̜͓̪̯̪̲͎̦̰̈́͌̅̅̉̃̈́͌̔͐̕̕̕͘Ẹ̸̾̆̑̐̇͘ ̸̟͍̣̜̜̭̼͎̦̞̏̏͊̓̔̎̋͊̏̈́͌͘͠Ť̵̲͎̖̰̯̹̙͇̮̳̔́͛̃́̑͆͠Ḩ̶̪̲̮̝͖̹̉̿̍̒̓̕̕͜͝Ȅ̴̩̦̙̜̳̯͓̦͖̳͓͈̏̍͌͜͠͝ ̷̲̥̦̂͊̓̄͗̏P̵̢͙͈̖̫̬̳͆̓́̊́̎̈̂̋̐̓͝Ö̵̮̗̯͎̥̝̖͔̭̝͈͓͈̬́̈̂̕̚̕D̵̢̗̳͑̎ ̴̩͉̝̬̖͔͓̖̓͋̀̆̀̿̇̆̔̾I̴̛̯̦̠̠͓̙͐̄̃̒ ̷͇̰̐͑̀͂̿͛̆̍̔̉̎̇̐̕͝L̸̛̖͙͚̼͕̥̰͌͂̒͑͆O̸̧̻̱̘̬̻̩̩͋̓͒͛̾̈́̎̒̂̔͆͒͝V̷̧̤̗̹̠̐́̄̏͒̈͌̏̕͠Ȩ̶̞̞͓̳̤̤̖̈́̂̓̂̀̉͗̾͝ ̷̬͕̠͖͉̼̤̯̍̾̊̈́͜ͅT̴̡̼̤̯̙͈͍̪̱̭̱̒͊̃̓̂̉̔̇̐̓̂̎̇H̸̡͇̗̦͖̖̳͍̺̓̃ͅE̴͇̠͉̋̍ ̷̧̳̤̯̜̻͎̭̫̞̞̟͚͐̈́̐̈́͊̍̓P̴̢̧̛͕̠̲͔̼͉͍̦̠̻͙̞̱̈́͆̐̏̔͝O̴̢̧̦̗̭̜͙̱̿̒D̶̯̭̬̙̈́͗́͜͝ͅĮ̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘Į̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ ̷̛̻̬̖̤̭̆͗̊̈́̽̌́͆͊̓͐͠͝Ī̷̘̥̘̼̩̜́̊͆̈̏̎̀̓̔̿̚͝ ̶̨̝̺̺̘̣̗̣̼̗̦̋͋̀̎̐͊́̊̋̑͝L̷̡̛͎̜͖̈́̐̓͐̒͂͗̾̄̚͝O̸̢̧̟̯̭̹̹̪͙͓̗̗̘̐V̵̨̛̜͓̪̯̪̲͎̦̰̈́͌̅̅̉̃̈́͌̔͐̕̕̕͘Ẹ̸̾̆̑̐̇͘ ̸̟͍̣̜̜̭̼͎̦̞̏̏͊̓̔̎̋͊̏̈́͌͘͠Ť̵̲͎̖̰̯̹̙͇̮̳̔́͛̃́̑͆͠Ḩ̶̪̲̮̝͖̹̉̿̍̒̓̕̕͜͝Ȅ̴̩̦̙̜̳̯͓̦͖̳͓͈̏̍͌͜͠͝ ̷̲̥̦̂͊̓̄͗̏P̵̢͙͈̖̫̬̳͆̓́̊́̎̈̂̋̐̓͝Ö̵̮̗̯͎̥̝̖͔̭̝͈͓͈̬́̈̂̕̚̕D̵̢̗̳͑̎ ̴̩͉̝̬̖͔͓̖̓͋̀̆̀̿̇̆̔̾I̴̛̯̦̠̠͓̙͐̄̃̒ ̷͇̰̐͑̀͂̿͛̆̍̔̉̎̇̐̕͝L̸̛̖͙͚̼͕̥̰͌͂̒͑͆O̸̧̻̱̘̬̻̩̩͋̓͒͛̾̈́̎̒̂̔͆͒͝V̷̧̤̗̹̠̐́̄̏͒̈͌̏̕͠Ȩ̶̞̞͓̳̤̤̖̈́̂̓̂̀̉͗̾͝ ̷̬͕̠͖͉̼̤̯̍̾̊̈́͜ͅT̴̡̼̤̯̙͈͍̪̱̭̱̒͊̃̓̂̉̔̇̐̓̂̎̇H̸̡͇̗̦͖̖̳͍̺̓̃ͅE̴͇̠͉̋̍ ̷̧̳̤̯̜̻͎̭̫̞̞̟͚͐̈́̐̈́͊̍̓P̴̢̧̛͕̠̲͔̼͉͍̦̠̻͙̞̱̈́͆̐̏̔͝O̴̢̧̦̗̭̜͙̱̿̒D̶̯̭̬̙̈́͗́͜͝ͅĮ̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘Į̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ ̷̛̻̬̖̤̭̆͗̊̈́̽̌́͆͊̓͐͠͝Ī̷̘̥̘̼̩̜́̊͆̈̏̎̀̓̔̿̚͝ ̶̨̝̺̺̘̣̗̣̼̗̦̋͋̀̎̐͊́̊̋̑͝L̷̡̛͎̜͖̈́̐̓͐̒͂͗̾̄̚͝O̸̢̧̟̯̭̹̹̪͙͓̗̗̘̐V̵̨̛̜͓̪̯̪̲͎̦̰̈́͌̅̅̉̃̈́͌̔͐̕̕̕͘Ẹ̸̾̆̑̐̇͘ ̸̟͍̣̜̜̭̼͎̦̞̏̏͊̓̔̎̋͊̏̈́͌͘͠Ť̵̲͎̖̰̯̹̙͇̮̳̔́͛̃́̑͆͠Ḩ̶̪̲̮̝͖̹̉̿̍̒̓̕̕͜͝Ȅ̴̩̦̙̜̳̯͓̦͖̳͓͈̏̍͌͜͠͝ ̷̲̥̦̂͊̓̄͗̏P̵̢͙͈̖̫̬̳͆̓́̊́̎̈̂̋̐̓͝Ö̵̮̗̯͎̥̝̖͔̭̝͈͓͈̬́̈̂̕̚̕D̵̢̗̳͑̎ ̴̩͉̝̬̖͔͓̖̓͋̀̆̀̿̇̆̔̾I̴̛̯̦̠̠͓̙͐̄̃̒ ̷͇̰̐͑̀͂̿͛̆̍̔̉̎̇̐̕͝L̸̛̖͙͚̼͕̥̰͌͂̒͑͆O̸̧̻̱̘̬̻̩̩͋̓͒͛̾̈́̎̒̂̔͆͒͝V̷̧̤̗̹̠̐́̄̏͒̈͌̏̕͠Ȩ̶̞̞͓̳̤̤̖̈́̂̓̂̀̉͗̾͝ ̷̬͕̠͖͉̼̤̯̍̾̊̈́͜ͅT̴̡̼̤̯̙͈͍̪̱̭̱̒͊̃̓̂̉̔̇̐̓̂̎̇H̸̡͇̗̦͖̖̳͍̺̓̃ͅE̴͇̠͉̋̍ ̷̧̳̤̯̜̻͎̭̫̞̞̟͚͐̈́̐̈́͊̍̓P̴̢̧̛͕̠̲͔̼͉͍̦̠̻͙̞̱̈́͆̐̏̔͝O̴̢̧̦̗̭̜͙̱̿̒D̶̯̭̬̙̈́͗́͜͝ͅĮ̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘Į̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃P̶̧̨̹̱͚̮̲͖̰̳͍̮͗̔̾́͊͆̾̉̚̕͜͜Ơ̷͎̝̫̟͎͈̮͙̭̠̩̭̏̒̆̊́̅͆͌̅̕D̷̺͉͖͖̫̈̆͛̆̈́́͌̈̈́̂̍͘ ̷̛̻̬̖̤̭̆͗̊̈́̽̌́͆͊̓͐͠͝Ī̷̘̥̘̼̩̜́̊͆̈̏̎̀̓̔̿̚͝ ̶̨̝̺̺̘̣̗̣̼̗̦̋͋̀̎̐͊́̊̋̑͝L̷̡̛͎̜͖̈́̐̓͐̒͂͗̾̄̚͝O̸̢̧̟̯̭̹̹̪͙͓̗̗̘̐V̵̨̛̜͓̪̯̪̲͎̦̰̈́͌̅̅̉̃̈́͌̔͐̕̕̕͘Ẹ̸̾̆̑̐̇͘ ̸̟͍̣̜̜̭̼͎̦̞̏̏͊̓̔̎̋͊̏̈́͌͘͠Ť̵̲͎̖̰̯̹̙͇̮̳̔́͛̃́̑͆͠Ḩ̶̪̲̮̝͖̹̉̿̍̒̓̕̕͜͝Ȅ̴̩̦̙̜̳̯͓̦͖̳͓͈̏̍͌͜͠͝ ̷̲̥̦̂͊̓̄͗̏P̵̢͙͈̖̫̬̳͆̓́̊́̎̈̂̋̐̓͝Ö̵̮̗̯͎̥̝̖͔̭̝͈͓͈̬́̈̂̕̚̕D̵̢̗̳͑̎ ̴̩͉̝̬̖͔͓̖̓͋̀̆̀̿̇̆̔̾I̴̛̯̦̠̠͓̙͐̄̃̒ ̷͇̰̐͑̀͂̿͛̆̍̔̉̎̇̐̕͝L̸̛̖͙͚̼͕̥̰͌͂̒͑͆O̸̧̻̱̘̬̻̩̩͋̓͒͛̾̈́̎̒̂̔͆͒͝V̷̧̤̗̹̠̐́̄̏͒̈͌̏̕͠Ȩ̶̞̞͓̳̤̤̖̈́̂̓̂̀̉͗̾͝ ̷̬͕̠͖͉̼̤̯̍̾̊̈́͜ͅT̴̡̼̤̯̙͈͍̪̱̭̱̒͊̃̓̂̉̔̇̐̓̂̎̇H̸̡͇̗̦͖̖̳͍̺̓̃ͅE̴͇̠͉̋̍ ̷̧̳̤̯̜̻͎̭̫̞̞̟͚͐̈́̐̈́͊̍̓P̴̢̧̛͕̠̲͔̼͉͍̦̠̻͙̞̱̈́͆̐̏̔͝O̴̢̧̦̗̭̜͙̱̿̒D̶̯̭̬̙̈́͗́͜͝ͅĮ̶̪̖̠͙̯͕͈͓̦̹̳͐̽͐̐̕ ̷̯̬͑͊̓̿̄̏̊Ļ̶̬̦̮͚̙̽̿͆̀͑̑͛͒̊̊̑͛̎O̴͕̮̙͚̣͎̼̟͕̤̗͍͖̐̌̈́͋́͜V̷̲̭́̆̍͗̅̈́͂̿͊̋̕Ę̷̛͚̥̹̲͕̹̼̫̣͈͕̣̖͑̾́͗̏̔̉̈̌͆͠ ̷̨̃̽̿́T̴͓͕͈̦͙̳̖̙̞̗̀H̷̡̡͈̮̼͖͎̫͚̘͙̰̒͂͌̑̕̚͜͜͠Ȩ̴̞̠͖̣͈̥͕̻͍͇̥̓ ̴͇̼̯͉̺͚̱̤͚͙̠̙̬̱̃̃


Screw the other entries on this list. Honestly, you’d be better off as a Pod Person yourself. I mean, you can’t avoid it. It’s a natural progression that all life forms will most likely, eventually undergo. You’ll honestly feel a lot better as a Pod Person: you’ll never have to worry about pesky inconveniences like “love”, “hate”, “regret”, or “despair” ever again. Your roommate never takes out the trash? Crush won’t text you back? Failed every final this semester? Awww, that would suck… if you were a human! Thank God that Pod People don’t have to deal with that shit, and rather must only concern themselves with making sure the pod they are responsible for delivering to the appropriate distribution sector arrives at its selected destination.

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