• Brendan Boyce

Wholesome Article of the Day: Cop Does His Job



On this beautiful Spring day, a police officer decided to uphold the law and be an upstanding member of his community. He got up on time for his morning cup of joe, and de-escalated an argument in the coffee shop that could have gotten violent, had it not been for Officer Smith’s calming, compassionate presence. After he handled the situation by the letter of the law, he patted dogs on the head as he passed them by.


A little child was crying because he dropped his ice cream, so Officer Smith bought him another one. He pulled over a black man for speeding, but only gave him a warning after seeing that he had no felonies or driving citations. He and a few other policemen went over to a fellow officer's house, to surprise him after his wife gave birth to two beautiful baby boys. He participated in the Leukemia Awareness 5k, supporting every runner until they finished the race. After his long yet fruitful day of work, he ate dinner with his family and helped his children do their homework before reading them Goodnight Moon before they fell asleep.


Happy April Fools motherfuckers, it’s Based Week.

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