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War Over Thanksgiving Bus Tickets Leads Students to Steal Campus Rental Bikes


War has officially begun. As of November 8th, Escape bus tickets from Binghamton University have gone out for purchase. Thousands of the university's students scrambling to get a ride home are finding that almost all tickets to remotely normal places that are not in the middle of nowhere are either sold out, ranging from prices $100 and up, or are for 8+ hour rides. As another option to get back home, Binghamton President Harvey Stenger suggested students to “ask their parents to come get them,” although studies found that 99% of parents with a child attending the university would rather do anything else than make the 2+ hour drive to retrieve their children.


In response to this, many are turning towards a Hunger Game approach, channeling their inner Katniss or Peeta, and joining the battle against one another for bus tickets. Some have tried to incorporate other methods and have even been seen fighting with juniors and seniors for their cars. However, the students that don't wish to partake in this deadly brawl, in an attempt to spare the blood of fellow classmates and save their own lives, began to resort to the campus rental bikes as an alternative way to get home for the holiday. Various students have been seen taping JBL speakers to the back of the bikes in an attempt to replicate aux, while others are hiding the bikes in their dorm rooms as a method of reservation. Not to mention, the numerous students who never actually learned how to ride a bike are beginning to purchase a surplus of helmets and padding, although due to the high demand, many are winding up with children-sized animal-themed helmets and pillows as padding.


Emergency alerts will be sent out to the public in an attempt to notify and warn all drivers to watch out for groups of students biking down major highways such as NYS Route 17. The US Department of Transportation deemed this method of travel as dangerous and risky, however the university is considering requiring students to bike home every break in order to cut down on gas prices for bussing transportation.


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