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  • Phill Collins

Queen Elizabeth II Is Dead, Don't Bother Fact Checking Because It's Real

In breaking news, the Binghamton University Times Tribune ๐Ÿšฝ has been granted exclusive coverage of the death โ˜ ๏ธ of the Queen ๐Ÿ‘ธ Elizabeth II of England๐Ÿ’‚โ€โ™‚๏ธ. Our source from inside the Queenโ€™s inner circle (it was Prince George ๐Ÿ‘ถ) has informed us that Queen Elizatizabth died โŒ earlier this week when she saw those Kanye posts โ‰๏ธ. The Royal Family ๐Ÿ‘‘ has decided to keep her death quiet ๐Ÿคซ to protect the economy ๐Ÿ’ธ. She joins the ranks of Margaret Thatcher ๐Ÿ’ƒ for dead mid-tier โ›” female ๐Ÿ‘ง British ๐Ÿ˜ณ leaders ๐ŸŽฉ in the 20th century.

Honestly, this is probably for the better โœ…โœ…โœ… considering her sonโ€™s about to go to jail ๐Ÿ  for pedophilia ๐Ÿ™Š, her husband died ๐Ÿ™‰, her grandson and his wife walked out of her life ๐Ÿ™ˆ, and her favorite daughter-in-law died in a car accident ๐Ÿ˜ฌ, not in that order.

Prince Charles would have become king ๐Ÿคด, but heโ€™s actually been dead for a couple months ๐Ÿคฏ. Itโ€™s another state secret ๐ŸคŒ. Therefore, the crown will go to Prince William ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฒ, which is unfortunate because heโ€™s bald ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฒ. Members of the newly founded Rancel ๐Ÿ’… movement are calling for the end of the monarchy ๐Ÿฆ‹ due to this very fact ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿฆฒ. The word Rancel, similar to the equally hideous word combination Brexit ๐Ÿคข, stands for โ€œroyal cancelโ€โ€” a call to end ๐Ÿ›‘ the House of Windsor ๐Ÿš.

While one house falls, another may take its place. Some Brits ๐Ÿšฌ speculate that greasy-looking ๐ŸŒš Prime Minister Boris Johnson ๐Ÿ˜ค might make a claim for the throne ๐Ÿช‘. Itโ€™ll be interesting to see what Biden ๐Ÿ•บ has to say about this. ๐Ÿค”

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