In breaking news, the Binghamton University Times Tribune đ˝ has been granted exclusive coverage of the death â ď¸ of the Queen đ¸ Elizabeth II of Englandđââď¸. Our source from inside the Queenâs inner circle (it was Prince George đś) has informed us that Queen Elizatizabth died â earlier this week when she saw those Kanye posts âď¸. The Royal Family đ has decided to keep her death quiet 𤍠to protect the economy đ¸. She joins the ranks of Margaret Thatcher đ for dead mid-tier â female đ§ British đł leaders đŠ in the 20th century.
Honestly, this is probably for the better â â â considering her sonâs about to go to jail đ for pedophilia đ, her husband died đ, her grandson and his wife walked out of her life đ, and her favorite daughter-in-law died in a car accident đŹ, not in that order.
Prince Charles would have become king đ¤´, but heâs actually been dead for a couple months đ¤Ż. Itâs another state secret đ¤. Therefore, the crown will go to Prince William đ¨âđŚ˛, which is unfortunate because heâs bald đ¨âđŚ˛. Members of the newly founded Rancel đ movement are calling for the end of the monarchy đŚ due to this very fact đ¨âđŚ˛. The word Rancel, similar to the equally hideous word combination Brexit đ¤˘, stands for âroyal cancelââ a call to end đ the House of Windsor đ.
While one house falls, another may take its place. Some Brits đŹ speculate that greasy-looking đ Prime Minister Boris Johnson đ¤ might make a claim for the throne đŞ. Itâll be interesting to see what Biden đş has to say about this. đ¤
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