- Phill Collins
Queen Elizabeth II Is Dead, Don't Bother Fact Checking Because It's Real

In breaking news, the Binghamton University Times Tribune ๐ฝ has been granted exclusive coverage of the death โ ๏ธ of the Queen ๐ธ Elizabeth II of England๐โโ๏ธ. Our source from inside the Queenโs inner circle (it was Prince George ๐ถ) has informed us that Queen Elizatizabth died โ earlier this week when she saw those Kanye posts โ๏ธ. The Royal Family ๐ has decided to keep her death quiet ๐คซ to protect the economy ๐ธ. She joins the ranks of Margaret Thatcher ๐ for dead mid-tier โ female ๐ง British ๐ณ leaders ๐ฉ in the 20th century.
Honestly, this is probably for the better โ โ โ considering her sonโs about to go to jail ๐ for pedophilia ๐, her husband died ๐, her grandson and his wife walked out of her life ๐, and her favorite daughter-in-law died in a car accident ๐ฌ, not in that order.
Prince Charles would have become king ๐คด, but heโs actually been dead for a couple months ๐คฏ. Itโs another state secret ๐ค. Therefore, the crown will go to Prince William ๐จโ๐ฆฒ, which is unfortunate because heโs bald ๐จโ๐ฆฒ. Members of the newly founded Rancel ๐ movement are calling for the end of the monarchy ๐ฆ due to this very fact ๐จโ๐ฆฒ. The word Rancel, similar to the equally hideous word combination Brexit ๐คข, stands for โroyal cancelโโ a call to end ๐ the House of Windsor ๐.
While one house falls, another may take its place. Some Brits ๐ฌ speculate that greasy-looking ๐ Prime Minister Boris Johnson ๐ค might make a claim for the throne ๐ช. Itโll be interesting to see what Biden ๐บ has to say about this. ๐ค