Op-Ed: Takeoff Took Off Too Soon
Who is taking off? Kirshnik Khari Ball, that's who. #DED XD uwu. Takeoff took off late November 1st 2022 in a bowling alley. Strike am I right. Weird how he died the day after Halloween? Too much candy? Takeoff died in Houston, Texas, that sucks. X (jah) would be happy about this one. As a member of the renowned music group, Migos, he released many great singles and many mediocre albums. For example, a line from his song “Stir Fry”, “Drop dead fresh need a coffin, ballin’ something I do often,” foreshadows a little too much don’t you think. For Halloween, Takeoff dressed up as the Twin Towers. The following day, he dressed up as the plane and took off, really committing to the costume. Takeoff is survived by genius, Kanye West. The internet is devastated about the recent passing of the former Migos member, saying “raindrop, drop top” will never be the same. His last words: “Buy the new album or I will roll like stir fry in my grave” His colleagues, the other members of Migos commented, “He should have died sooner. You die at 27, not 28. Idiot.” The only club Takeoff could not get into was the 27 club, and Drake’s. “Walk it like I Talk it” was not really a good mentality. We asked a local student his opinion, “Takeoff? More like taken out. Nah but in reality, X forever bro. Long live Jah.” Takeoff is reporting from Heaven that he and X have already gotten into 4 fist fights. Word to rename JFK airport after Takeoff, petition in bio. Like and Subscribe for more content. Fly High!
INTRODUCING: The BUTT Talks
Many of our readers have requested the ability to listen to articles due to struggling with a busy schedule that doesn't give them time to read, personal visual impairment, or somehow being illiterate despite being enrolled in a four-year Liberal Arts University. We hear you, and now you'll have a chance to hear us. Enjoy this roughly two-minute audio transcription that our guest writer graciously made for us.
Editor's Note: The editor recommends reading the article alongside the writer's audio transcript as he preferred to retain his original formatting, grammar, and structure despite helpful changes made by several BUTT copy editors. The writer also refused to incorporate any suggestions made by the BUTT's Editor-in-Chief.
Editor's Note 2: The writer's views within this opinion piece (and elsewhere) do not necessarily represent our publication. Even we don't want to be associated with this fucking guy.