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Op-Ed: Baby Nut has a Strong Chance of Being the Antichrist

This “Baby Nut” business is getting out of hand way too fast. It became a sensation nearly as fast as Baby Yoda and that’s just unnatural. I, myself, am wondering how it happened. I don’t know how you all can’t see what’s happening before your own eyes. The media will tell you the success of Baby Nut is due to something like underhanded marketing tactics or mind control. Well you’re all wrong, there is no earthly explanation for Baby Nut. I know exactly how this tiny legume was brought into our world and you should too.


Stories of successes achieved so fast that it seems impossible are not unusual. However, these stories share one common thread. The devil. I believe that, in a faustian bargain, Mr Peanut himself sold his seedy soul to the devil in exchange for wealth, power, and possibly, immortality. This is not unheard of. The stories of Dorian Gray, Ghost Rider, and Megatron are just some examples of the devil’s intervention in our culture. “Baby” Nut is no different. Baby Nut is clearly shown growing from the buried corpse of Mr Peanut, his birth brought to fruition by the tears of the Kool-Aid Man.


Now that Mr Peanut has “died” there are two possibilites for what this child is. First the child is simply Mr Peanut brought to life again. If Mr Peanut bargained for immortality, he cannot die and his “death” must be reversed. The second option, however, is much more interesting, if you look at the evidence I have so clearly put forth. The baby nut is the devil’s child. It was born from tears and a corpse for God’s sake! It was sent up from hell to wreak havoc and commit atrocities yet unimagined and unnamed. And we can only watch him do it. Baby Nut could very well be the antichrist. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I think it’s probably the antichrist.

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