- Adam Malev
Mets Trade No. 1 Rumble Ponies Prospect Ronny Mauricio to D1 University For 5 Liberal Arts Students
Updated: Dec 19, 2022
A groundbreaking trade has sent shockwaves through the professional baseball and University Admissions communities. A first of its kind interleague trade is sending the Mets’ number one minor league prospect away from the Mets organization. The Dominican shortstop will be sent not to another MLB team, but rather to a university in the same city from where the rising star currently plays. Instead of playing baseball for the AA Binghamton Rumble Ponies, Ronny Mauricio will be taking several spots at Binghamton University.
In an exclusive interview with Ronny Mauricio, the Binghamton University Times Tribune uncovered his longing for a college experience. After 2 years of playing minor league baseball in Binghamton, Mauricio shared his true feelings. “Growing up in the Dominican Republic, my family always told me one day I should leave my country and study in the Ivy Leagues. Today I only play shortstop in the minor leagues until the Mets trade either me or Lindor, so until then why not chase my academic dreams? I can’t wait to study on behalf of not one, but four students at the Public Ivy, Binghamton!”
BU hasn’t revealed much, but they have said they’ll be giving Mauricio a double room to himself in the Newing community, along with access to an empty bed in Hinman and another in Mountainview. In order to fulfill his new academic obligations, Mauricio will be enrolled in every course spot that the departing students will open up. This means that he will be fulfilling 64 credits this semester. While this certainly presents a challenge for the shortstop, he only stands to gain from the exchange. The long term benefits from a future professional athlete rubbing elbows with future corporate nobodies in the lecture hall are immense, with many speculating higher donations will be seen starting just five years after these students graduate. Some predict even sooner if Ronny Mauricio waves to them from the infield with the general vibe of “oh yeah I remember when you gave me that pen in Econ 162” at a Mets game before then.
Some of the players involved in the trade make sense, such as 6’2 junior and overlooked high school baseball recruit Chris Grillo. Filling in for Mauricio at shortstop should provide Chris a workable challenge, as did his upper level political science classes prior to the deal. His questions to the administration on whether he’ll be credited for a seven-page research paper coincidentally due the same night as the interleague trade deadline remain unanswered. Administrators have responded unkindly to our requests for comment on the matter. Before telling us not to call back, we heard what sounded like a Dean in the background shouting at the secretary who declined our call: “if we’re not going to respond to the student’s parents, what makes the BUTT think we’ll respond to them!”
Two other students involved in the trade include student-athletes. Freshman track and field star Cooper Hunter and the flippable cheerleader Amanda Centrone are rumored to add speed and agility to an aging Rumble Ponies lineup. It’s unclear how other students involved in the multistudent transaction will fit on the Rumble Ponies roster. Scouts are skeptical about the potential for Miriam Finkel, a sophomore Cinema major standing in at 5’2’’ in heels, to field grounders and consistently make contact with 95 mph fastballs. Some believe her soft skills such as dugout social media takeovers and original rally cries will score more runs off the field than her hundred-pound soaking wet frame could provide on the baseball diamond.
Not every student was previously informed of the freedom SUNY schools have to use their students, as well as potential students, as bargaining chips. Kieran Grasik, an excited Binghamton admit who committed to BU during the summer, was shocked after he clicked the “Confirm Enrollment” button and a “Congratulations!” message popped up on the screen. This message notified him that he’d won a coveted roster spot on a competitive AA baseball team, and that he’d have to send an email to the Undergraduate Admissions Office by the end of the month that confirmed his commitment to the team if he still wanted to enroll. Kieran’s parents were in disbelief after receiving the news. “Growing up, Kieran never played organized sports! He was always at home either coding something or talking with one of his Asian friends on the Discord server, so it was quite the surprise to hear we’d be getting to see him play ball this fall,” recalls a reminiscent Mrs. Grasik. Kieran’s application described his struggle to finish coding a birdwatching app with ten thousand app store downloads and numerous awards from the Audubon Society and Tech4Good. Kieran was at first somewhat reluctant to accept the offer, and considered the offers he had received from from Maryland, Stony Brook, and Cornell to study Computer Science at their universities. However, Kieran ultimately decided to go with the generous offer from Binghamton University after the Grasiks let Kieran know choosing Binghamton was a no-brainer due to the price difference between SUNY Binghamton and the other three schools that accepted him. “Baseball isn’t computer science but it’s also not student loan debt!” noted Kieran with a smile that was quite obviously concealing massive amounts of repressed regret, despair, and depression.
Rumor has it that there will be more upcoming trades on the horizon. Speculation abounds as to what lucky undergraduates will be chosen for the next cycle. Some even say that the next transfer will be initiated by the University and draw from current Bearcat athletes. For instance, it wouldn’t be surprising to see the 6’11 Basketball Center “Ador Athuai” parted with in return for four professors who are roughly 1’7. Who knows what the exciting future of “cross-human-athletic” trading might hold!