My Stupid Mom Drives Up Here For Parents Weekend, Brings Me Cookies Like a Bitch
My stupid mom drove up here this past weekend, to "see her son" or some shit.
I was hanging with the bros when I got a text from this dumb bitch.
"Hey Brinley. This is your mother. Just wondering if your father and I could drive up to Binghamton for Parents Weekend in order to visit you. It's been a while since we've seen you last, and we would love to come visit you! Love Mom."
So I showed the bros this cringey ass text from my mom. I thought they would tell me to clap back, but they kinda just shrugged and went back to watching the Lakers game. They were probably trying not to cringe and laugh at my mom's embarassingness.
Fast forward to Parents Weekend, and what do you know, my mom is pulling up to my dorm in her dumbass Honda Civic. I'm on the quad with the bros for Co-Rec, and were kinda playing a game. Then this fat bitch gets out of the car, goes over to the quad with this big ass tray of cookies, and then yells...
"Come and get your cookies!"
Mistake number one: never interrupt the boys in the middle of a match of Co-Rec.
So everybody on the quad runs over to her to get her dumbass cookies or whatever. I don't wanna go over, but my girlfriend comes up to me and tells me to go. By the time I get there, all the cookies are gone. So I'm kinda relieved. But then my mom opens her cringey ass mouth and says...
"That one's for everyone, but I also made a batch just for my special boy."
Then she literally kissed me. In front of all my friends.
Ok, first of all, these are the people I do drugs and alcohol with, so for her to do me like that… it was kinda messed up. Even though I met them like 4 weeks ago (idk how long), they are my squad… my people. Also, my girlfriend was there (we have been dating for two weeks) and she literally saw this bitch kiss me! I'm kinda mad she didn't slap her, because my girlfriend knows the only person who can kiss me is her (shut up Brian, Im not gay because you kissed me in spin the bottle).
Not gonna lie, baking cookies for your son is kinda a bitch move. Like, seriously... I don't want your cringey cookies. Actually, I would want them if they were weed cookies. Cause that would be pretty cool. But my mom isn't cool, she's cringe.