“I couldn’t just let her blurt out statistics about inequality without stepping in”
BINGHAMTON, NY – Several reports from annoyed students corroborate that Chad Bradley, a local frat boy and self-described “whatever the opposite of sheep is” held up his SOC 101 class for thirty to forty minutes today by playing devil’s advocate with a classmate following a presentation on gender inequality.
It started as an ordinary morning in a Binghamton University SOC 101 class. However, as Bradley describes, the topic of the day – Socioeconomic Inequality – “made [him] want to fuck a duck.” Bradley had already been on thin ice with his liberal classmates for previously referring to Rosa Parks as “that bitch who sat,” and his recent tirade on gender equality may not have helped his case. To add to this, witnesses pointed out that Professor Johnson had been losing the Conservative folks’ support through the most recent unit: “The Problems with Child Labor Overseas.” So, tensions had been rising leading into Wednesday’s lecture.
The class started as normal; a witness remembers how everyone groaned as Professor Johnson stumbled into class five minutes late, “something she had done religiously for the first half of the semester.” Bradley recounted, “I knew something was fishy once the professor showed a slide titled ‘Gender Inequality.’”
Having done his own research since entering high school, Bradley was well aware of the terms liberals used to – as he put it – “indoctrinate the masses,” such as gender, race, inequality, and impossible meat. When one of these words appeared on the screen, Bradley claims a “Pavlovian response” triggered his fight or flight. “Mama ain’t raise no bitch,” he whispered to himself as his hand shot up towards the sky.
The liberal student whom Bradley had allegedly harassed spoke with the BUTT following the incident. Through tears, she recalled, “He c-c-called me a lib-sh-sh-shart.”
When asked to comment on the veracity of his statements made in lecture that day, Bradley had this to say: “That dishwasher was out of line and doesn’t know shit about what it’s like to be a man in a woman’s world.”
The BUTT also interviewed Professor Johnson who felt “immense liberal guilt” for the alleged horseplay that happened in her lecture: “My classroom should never have been a place where a student could disagree with me. ”
At press time, Professor Johnson sent an email to students of her class linking them to mental health services offered through the University, such as those at Decker.