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Binghamton University President Accused of Using Infernal Abilities to Increase Enrollment


Binghamton University's president, Dr. Harvey Stenger, has come under fire from students, faculty, and the wider academic community for his alleged use of infernal powers to increase the university's enrollment numbers. According to eyewitness reports, Dr. Stenger has gained the ability to absorb students into his own being, giving him an almost supernatural power over the student body. Students who have been absorbed by Dr. Stenger describe a feeling of being "pulled into his aura" and "consumed by his will." Eyewitnesses report seeing students approach Dr. Stenger and suddenly disappearing into his body, as if they were being swallowed whole. Others claim that they have seen Dr. Stenger's body expand and contort as he absorbs more and more students.


Critics have accused Dr. Stenger of putting his own needs and desires above those of the student body, using his newfound powers to boost the university's reputation and rankings, even at the cost of academic quality and student welfare. Some have pointed out that Dr. Stenger's enrollment practices have become increasingly controversial in recent years, with the university admitting more and more students who may not have met the rigorous academic standards required for admission. Some speculate that he is trying to gain control over the student body, while others believe that he is simply trying to increase enrollment numbers.


In response to the accusations, Dr. Stenger has denied any wrongdoing, saying that his powers are a natural manifestation of his commitment to the university's mission and vision. He has emphasized the importance of increasing enrollment numbers to attract top students and faculty and to secure the university's financial future. He has also dismissed concerns about the well-being of the absorbed students, claiming that they are perfectly happy and content in their new state.


The university administration has been tight-lipped about the situation, with many faculty members expressing concern over Dr. Stenger's mysterious machinations. His office responded to these inquiries with a statement saying, "We assure the Binghamton community that Dr. Stenger's actions are in the best interest of the university. We ask for your patience and understanding during this time."


Despite Dr. Stenger and his administration's denials, students and faculty are calling for an investigation into his alleged use of infernal powers and the impact it may have on the university's academic integrity and student experience. Some have even organized protests outside of Dr. Stenger's office, chanting slogans such as "Students, not Stenger!" and "Release our souls, Harvey!"

As the situation continues to unfold, many are left wondering what will happen to the students who have been absorbed by Dr. Stenger. Will they be released from his body unharmed, or will they be trapped inside forever? Only time will tell.


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