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  • Max Lieber

5 Surprising Things the Pipe Dream Sex Survey Has Revealed About BU Students

Updated: Mar 3, 2023

In advance of the release of the depraved and disturbing results of our much anticipated 2023 BUTT Sex Survey, we thought that it might be interesting to take a look at how the sex lives of students have changed from year to year. What better historical resource to utilize than the infamous Pipe Dream Sex Survey? Here are a few of the wildest sexual facts about BU students that we’ve gleaned from the Pipe Dream’s yearly survey.

1. Nobody had sex in 2006

According to the Sex Survey results that were included in the Pipe Dream Sex Edition of February 2007, 0% of students reported having sex at least once in the past year.

Many readers believed this may have had something to do with the release of Justin Timberlake's 'SexyBack'. Apparently, Timberlake's mission to bring "sexy back" might have backfired disastrously, resulting in not a single person having sex during the year of 2006. Other possible correlative causes could be the release of Blu-ray in March, the release of Pixar's Cars in June, and the subprime mortgage crisis.

2. The most popular safe word among BU students was "Release me this instant or I shall summon the troops!"

If there’s one thing that BU students are famous for, it's not knowing when to stop achieving academic excellence and accomplishing their goals! 87% of couples in 2010 reported that when initiating a sexual encounter, this safe word was one that they frequently resorted to. While it's uncertain why students resorted to this word in particular, its popularity certainly proves its effectiveness. Contenders in other years are “Racism.” in 2016, “Fuck, my gooch is killing me.” in 2005, and “Red Light! This is a Red Light situation!” in 2019.

3. The most popular location to have sex was in the Bartle Showers

A little known study spot by most students, the Bartle Showers can be found deep within the bowels of the Library Tower basement. This exclusive location was supposedly only known by a select few sexual aficionados. However, in 2010, over three hundred students recorded that their go-to location for hot n’ steamy copulation was in the Bartle Showers. This came as a shock to many students, many of whom believed that they were the only person alive who knew of the existence of the elusive showers. So much for this secret sex cornucopia.

4. Trans women are not at Binghamton University

You heard that right. According to the results of the famous “Gender Idenity” portion of the Pipe Dream Sex Survey released in 2023, trans women do not exist at Binghamton University. Crazy, right? While 0.4% of a trans man was reported to exist by the survey, not even a partial amount of an existing trans woman can be found… anywhere. Sheeeeeeesh! Thankfully, the survey found that a 1.6% concentration of the strange and mysterious “gender fluid” resides within the campus body, so hopefully that makes up for the lack of trans women.

5. 0% of the student body are attracted to you

In the current year’s sex survey, 100% of respondents, when surveyed in regards to your “fuckability rating,” rated you as a “solid zero” on a one to ten scale. We’d apologize, but as you most likely already know, the BUTT only reports verified facts. And as everyone knows, facts don’t care about your feelings.

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