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  • Ethan Rosenblum

Why I Trust 4 Out Of 5 Dentists But Not 97 Out Of 100 Climate Scientists

You’ve probably heard about this climate by now. If you’re like everyone else, you’re buying it. But I wouldn’t buy it with a no money down, API-financed thirty-six month payment plan. You may say that there is an overwhelming consensus in the scientific community that climate change is real; you may say that consensus has existed for decades; you may even say that I’m a hypocrite for not believing it when I base my toothpaste purchases on whether the commercial says four out of five dentists approve of it, even though that is a much less significant sample size of scientists and a much smaller percentage of them in agreement.

Just think about it a little, though. If they’re all so sure about climate change, why haven’t they found another line of work? What’s the point of being a climate scientist if there’s no climate to science anymore? And isn’t it all just a little too convincing? 97 out of 100? You can’t get 97 people to agree on anything these days! But 4 out of 5? Four is a good number. The number of good seasons of Game of Thrones? Four. Continental North American countries most people can name? Probably four. The Beatles? John, Paul, George, and Ringo, but not Bono. Four is respectable. It’s not trying too hard. The point is, the climate crisis is just a little bit pushy about having to make changes to my life to accommodate the rest of the planet and all future life on Earth.

And if they really believe in their own scientific evidence, why haven’t they stopped eating everything with corn in it, stopped using air conditioning, started a hydroponic garden in their bathtub, trained wild dogs to pull them to work in a sled in the winter, and trained themselves to breathe less frequently, just to offset what they claim is an hour’s worth of emissions from an in-every-sense exploitative conglomerate? All I’m asking is the freedom to choose my own science, based off of my own empirical observations. I’ve seen a tooth. I’ve seen dentists. They’re real. But I’ve never even seen a polar bear in real life, and I’m supposed to believe they’re melting all of a sudden? It just doesn’t add up.

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