There’s nothing worse than being on your period. Whether you suffer from cramps, acne, or bloating, we can all agree that Aunt Flo is an unwanted visitor. But those are just some of the most common symptoms of menstruation, and research has shown that your cycle can pack an even worse punch. You’ll probably end up being familiar with over half this list of the top ten worst period symptoms, and you’ll be more than relieved to know that almost everybody feels the same way!
The Monthly Shed
You know it, you hate it. The monthly shed plagues us all. Here’s a friendly bit of advice for anyone who might be shedding right now- don’t leave your molted skin in the hall bathrooms. Or, at the very least, wrap it up in toilet paper when you throw it away!
Full Moon Fever
Imagine this: you wake up in the middle of the night to a full moon, and suddenly you feel about ten times stronger and have an insatiable craving for raw steak. Sound familiar? Although full moon fever is extremely common, with an estimated 80% of menstruators experiencing it, the affliction might be one of the least researched gynecological phenomenons.
The Devious Goblin
Personally, this might be my most-dreaded symptom. I just can’t stand the goblin that whispers in my ear and tells me riddles throughout the week! At least the goblin’s departure is an obvious sign of the end of your period.
Turning into the Fly from David Cronenberg’s The Fly
This symptom is a well-known sign that you may be approaching perimenopause, so be aware and consult a doctor if you end up slowly morphing into a creature that is half-Jeff Goldblum, half-fruit fly.
Asshole Cramps
Yeouch! Don’t you just hate it when a searing pain rips through your ass? Who knew that something affecting your uterus could spread to your perineum!
Swarm of Locusts
Hundreds of locusts bursting from your mouth in a massive cloud… what a way to ruin your week! The curse of the pharaoh is certainly a nightmare, but at least it can be mostly suppressed with Midol.
Teeth Falling Out
I can’t even begin to tell you how many chompers I’ve lost while menstruating. It’s just one after another, falling from my mouth like raindrops from the sky. Thank God they grow back during the follicular phase.
Prophetic Visions
Who could forget the staple of period symptoms- seeing visions of the future and the fall of the United States. Everybody’s got at least one story of having to go to the school nurse because the image of the White House burning to nothing made them nauseous.
Penny Craving
When your hormones plummet, the beginning of your period can be a nightmare. Because of this, you’ve probably ended up craving your comfort foods like chocolate or pizza. It goes without saying, of course, that most people also crave popping a couple of pennies in their mouths at the start of their cycle. You just can’t beat the taste of copper!
Mystery Blood
It’s always a shock when you wake up before your period even starts with your hands covered in blood, but this isn’t something you should be worried about. Menstruation is known to cause sleep disturbances, some of which end up with blood sticking to the bottom of your shoes. Damn P.M.S.!
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