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  • Ethan Rosenblum

Quiz: Are You A Penis Half-Erect Person, Or A Penis Half-Flaccid Person?

In this world, there are two kinds of people: those who see the penis as half-erect, and those who see it as half-flaccid. However, it’s never been easy to tell which kind of person you are, and you’ve probably lost all faith in home remedies like using a ruler or going into the desert with a day’s worth of water and three days’ worth of ayahuasca. Fret no more- this quiz will tell you exactly what kind of penis person you are!

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

  1. I don’t know, the normal amount?

  2. A woodchuck would chuck exactly as much wood as it wanted to, because the fulfillment of desire is what gives life meaning.

Do you feel sad when you see shadows grow longer as the sun sets?

  1. What does it matter if they get longer? They’ll just get shorter again soon, and eventually they’ll disappear completely.

  2. I know something else that can get longer, too, so it doesn’t really bother me.

How do you react when you wake up after 12:00?

  1. What’s there to react to? I already missed out on my day, so I might as well stay in bed for another hour, or at least until my morning wood is completely gone.

  2. I don’t have time to react because I’m already moving. I won’t let what’s in the past hold me or my growing erection back ever again.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Fruit Loops?

  1. Actually, it’s Froot Loops.

  2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Alright! Now that you've taken the quiz, count up your 1's and 2's and head to the results section!

Mostly 1’s: Geez! You’re Half-Flaccid! What are you gonna do about that? Maybe stroke it a little? Lazily flick it around? Maybe you and your dick are like plants, and you just need a little more sunlight to grow. Get outside more?

Mostly 2’s: Wow! You’re Half-Erect! Good for you, man! I know you’re going to take that boundless positivity and do amazing things with it. You probably don’t even need to go outside because you sleep under the stars each night, kept warm by the half-maximum concentration of blood in your dick. Nice fucking work.

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