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  • Nathaniel Goldsmith

Promotional: Zooma Fest

While the relatively phenomenal Miranda: A Steam Punk VR Experience passed under most students’ radar this weekend due to the “experience” only belonging to the elite VR headset-owning class, LUMA fans were left sitting in the dark. There were no IBM sponsored critiques of corporate greed, vaguely historical techno-futurist wet dreams, nor mind-fucking and incomprehensibly transcendent slideshows this weekend. Personally, I was devastated by this, as witnessing the annual LUMA Projection Arts Festival was pretty much the only reason I attended this god awful institution.

This is why, on Sunday, October 4th, beginning at 7 PM EST and going as late as I deem necessary, I will be hosting an event that I believe may rival LUMA itself. This event will be like nothing you’ve ever seen, felt, or experienced before in your life. While LUMA was orgasmic, my event will LITERALLY make you orgasm. I will open parts of your mind that you never knew existed, and I will open parts of your mind within the parts of your mind that you never knew existed. Its glory will most likely blind you or at least be burned into your retinas for the rest of your life (please do not attend if you are at risk of epileptic shock due to brightly flashing images). This event I shall call Zooma Fest, and it will be accessible via this Zoom link on Sunday, October 4th, at 7 PM EST:]rTHlEZz09

The evening will begin with a guest performance by Doge Uh Cat. You heard me, the one and only. He will give us a sneak peak into his new up and coming Soundcloud drop that will be released at some point. As he spits that fire, the LEDs in his dorm will light up in time with the beat. Trust me, you’ll be hyped by the end of “I Just Want Me An Anime Girl”.

After all attendees have joined, this will segway into the main attraction: the light show itself. I spent the entirety of quarantine designing it, so trust me when I say it’ll be good. I won’t spoil anything, but it pretty much sums up our existence in under two hours. When you have finished gazing upon the sheer glory of my work, feel free to chill and socialize with other attendees. You will be able to hook up with similar enlightened individuals during the glow stick dance party at the end of the night. I do not encourage or condone the consumption of any mind altering substance(s) at this virtual party, or even throughout the night, but if someone were to theoretically do so, they would experience Zooma Fest on an entirely different plane of existence.

Before I begin the show, you will be asked to present tickets over Zoom. These are limited, and can be purchased through Eventbrite for $59.99. If you do not have a ticket, I will be forced to kick you out of the call. I also do not accept tickets for Zumba Fest, which apparently has to fall on the same weekend as my event. If you are going to Zumba Fest, I highly recommend reconsidering and choosing to attend my event instead, as my show will be so intense that you will profusely sweat and burn just as many calories, if not more. To reiterate (and you can find these details on B-Engaged, Reddit, and the flyers that I have distributed throughout campus), Zooma Fest will take place on Sunday, October 4th, beginning at 7 PM EST.

I hope to see you there.

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