Move Over, Friendsgiving! This Year’s Hottest Trend Is Familygiving!
Sick and tired of the stupid idiots you hang around for the sake of routine? Don’t let the atrocities America committed way back when be another excuse for them to tug your chain and repeat the same five stories you’ve heard ad nauseum that change each time. Yik Yakers, TikTokers, and YouYubers alike are mixing it up this year in light of the second November in a pandemic with something a little different: spending time with those who share your blood and the people they boinked. “I forgot they existed, honestly,” history major Guy Pearson told The BUTT , “or why I usually eat with my friends on the 25th, for that matter. Why are you asking me? Where am I?” Pearson is currently staying in his dorm over fall break for a party of one as more and more students are catching the wave of “Familygiving.” The term originates from the Latin word famulus, meaning “servant,” and “give,” or the capacity to bend under pressure. The masses agree that this title is a fitting parody of Friendsgiving that effectively describes dealing with relatives. Instead of the same-old-same-old, here’re some perks to meeting up with the kin:
Cousins that offer the foulest, most rank weed
Aunts and uncles discussing drama you’re vaguely familiar with
Grandma going off the goop
People you’ve never seen in your entire life that know intimate details about it
Political drivel that will make you truly realize age does not equate to education
The Philadelphia Footballers in The Big Game
The Kiddy Table, where younger relatives engage in Socratic seminars on critical media analysis (Five Nights at Freddy’s, Crime & Punishment, Fortnite, which crosses over with both)
Grandpa giving out on the La-Z-Boy, providing you a chance to witness death firsthand
Stuffing and turkey mmm so good
So consider driving about four hours to meet your family because odds are they live in Long Island. Blood is thicker than water, your friends are 60% of that, and all water evaporates. Blood is also 90% water. I forgot the point I was making. Um… Uh… Happy break everyone.