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  • David Belkin

Is Your Meal Plan Running Low? Do This!

BINGHAMTON, NY— As the semester nears an end after what felt like several weeks, many students report that they are struggling to afford dining hall food with the money they have left in their meal plan. Evidently, Binghamton University has recently been scrambling to circumvent the lower customer-base dining halls have been seeing. Dining hall employees have been leaving freshly cooked meals outside the windows of all dorm rooms so that the smell wafts inside as instructed by Binghamton Health Services to do so. Baxter Bearcat has also reportedly been approaching students outside Bartle and asking them questions like: “Aren’t you hungry,” “Don’t you want to eat,” and “Should I be concerned?” Nevertheless, many students are trying to frequent the dining hall less. But what Binghamton’s academic body doesn’t realize is that there’s no need to starve yourself during finals week: there’s a simple way to increase the money in your dining hall plan so you can afford to buy however much food you need.

Here’s what you do. Go on to your computer and access https:// and put in your credentials. Put a specified amount of money (Harvey Stenger has gone on record as recommending this amount of money be “at least 500 dollars worth or more”) into your meal plan account using your or more likely your parents’ credit card. Afterward, you will have more money in your meal plan and can finally eat a hot, cooked meal! Say hi to Mein Bowl Mary for me.

Binghamton Health Services representative P. Sandcorn is a big advocate for students adding money to their meal plans. “Just because you put money into your account doesn’t mean that you’re locked into using that money to buy food,” they said before adding: “We get paid either way.”

At press time, Binghamton Health Services released a statement expressing worry over having to get rid of large amounts of unsold food, saying: “If no one wants to eat all of this delicious food, we’ll throw it right in the trash. Seriously, you don’t want to test us. If you don’t eat this food by the end of the semester, no one will. We’re serious.”

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