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  • Max Lieber

Giant Projected Dick Pic Scars Countless LUMA Attendees

Massive schlong looms over LUMA

Several LUMA attendees have attempted, and failed, to wipe their memories after a large penis was projected onto the side of 20 Hawley this weekend during the festival.

Many residents of the apartment have filed complaints against those running the event, stating that their right as tenants to not having a giant penis projected into their room was infringed upon. One tenant, Melinda Jones, even went as far as to say that “the people responsible for this should be run out of town.” While Melinda certainly makes a good point, we highly doubt IBM will heed this request.

It is believed that the interactive exhibit was to blame for this atrocity. Event attendees could AirDrop any picture from their phone and have it blown up by a large projector that would display it on the front of 20 Hawley for all to see. The event managers and police are still looking for the perpetrator. At the moment, their best lead is the owner of the iPhone named “Long Dick Johnson”, who was found on the list of that night’s airdroppers.

If the man (or woman, you never know) responsible is found, they will certainly be looking at some sort of fine. However, the BUTT is unsure of the severity of this fine. The more serious implication would be that they airdropped a picture of their own dick; if that was the case, they may receive countless charges of public indecency. As those familiar with the legal system may have already guessed, the penalty for a crime is in concordance with the severity of it. This means that not just the amount of people who saw the penis may be proportional to the fees incurred. This means that the airdropper may receive hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees, and may be looking at a 1 year prison sentence at the very minimum. We hope it was worth it, buddy.

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