- Zachary Voss
Yung Gravy Politely Requests Follow-Up Parent's Weekend
Yung Gravy, the scheduled headliner of the highly anticipated 2022 Fall Concert, has politely requested that the University create a “follow-up Parent’s Weekend”. While he's known for songs such as “Betty”, “Mr. Clean”, and “Oops!”, Yung Gravy’s most popular trait isn’t his music. To fans, he’s known as a “Milf Slayer”, which for our older audience, means he likes to “fuck moms”.
However, the reality behind this crucial aspect of Mr. Gravy’s reputation is not what it might seem. In high school, Gravy was diagnosed with a chronic mental illness called “Cougar Fever” and has unfortunately never fully recovered from it. The circumstances of this illness compel him to to schedule college concerts when there’s the “highest chance for him to bag a college mom.” Mr. Gravy’s Fall Concert at the Premier Public Ivy was scheduled for Thursday the 6th. He was devastated when he learned that Binghamton’s annual Parents Weekend was last week, drastically decreasing his odds of getting in on that “binghamtussy”; a factor that he sees as “necessary for his immediate survival”. According to our sources implanted in Gravy’s management team, he’s already fired his event planner for this severe oversight.
So in response, he’s requested that the University administration invite parents back to Binghamton the weekend following his concert. While several members of the University’s Public Administration have protested this idea, arguing that an additional Parent’s Weekend would conflict with the planned Homecoming festivities, Gravy claims that this wouldn’t be an issue, but rather a boon for the University, allowing for both parents and alumni to flock to campus (potentially to meet the self-styled “MILF Houdini” himself).
BUTT reporters had a chance to sit down and talk to Mr. Gravy following his concert. According to Gravy, this has all been a big misunderstanding. “I just really think my concerts are a great way for students and parents to bond, and would love the opportunity to meet some of your lovely mothers”, he told us. Gravy told us that in addition, even if the University is unable to provide him (and the student body) with this lucrative opportunity, he still has options for the post-show reception: “Let’s just say I know a few wonderful women who happen to live in the local area.”
Apparently, if the University hosts an additional parents weekend, Gravy has promised to donate another new baseball stadium, which as we all know, is how you get what you want from Daddy Harv.