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  • Andrew Schiller

J.K. Rowling Exposed for Questionable Design Choices for Harry Potter Building

BINGHAMTON, NY – You all know J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series of novels. If you spend any time at all online, you also know that she harbors some… distaste for certain groups of people; perhaps the group that she is most well-known for hating is the transgender community. In recent years, while spouting these beliefs, she has also been trying to save face by retconning little nuggets of diversity, equity, and inclusion into the Harry Potter franchise. Examples of such retcons include changing Hermione's race to African American and omitting passages involving Hogwarts' admissions officers enforcing racial quotas on the wizards they admit to their school. Even while this has been to no avail thus far, she has unfortunately left her subconscious thoughts in a medium whose content she cannot twist as easily as words on a page – the Harry Potter movies.

Let’s put ourselves in the shoes of Harry Potter and Rubeus Hagrid. We are about to enter Gringotts Wizarding Bank. As we enter Gringotts, we are greeted by the goblins who work there. It should be noted that this is one of the only times that Goblins are seen throughout the entire series – in a building where they and they alone work with the money contained within. Now, these goblins may be funny little guys, and you may be inclined to slap their silly little heads, but let’s take a second to look at the architecture of this building. The light fixtures are beautiful. The designs on the wall and ceiling are just exquisite. Now, let’s look at the floor… uh oh! That’s a Star of David! Do you see it? They put a Star of David design in a building full of people with big noses who work with money!

“But wait!” I hear you saying. “It was Warner Bros. who made the movies, not J.K. Rowling! She’s clean!” While this is technically true – and you’re an awful person – J.K. Rowling excerised creative control over the films as per the contract she brokered with Warner Brothers Studios. Given her track record, it seems more likely than not that this creative choice was hers and not one from Warner Bros. After all, that’s the studio that would go on to make Barbie, the most progressive and inoffensive movie of all time. Slay girlboss pussy queen!

While J.K. Rowling is the scum of the earth, she is not without her defenders. To gather a lot of them in one place, the BUTT hosted a function promising free torches, pitchforks, and X Premium. Sure enough, they came in droves, ours for the questioning. We interviewed one Anne Teesemight, who said this: “I admire J.K. Rowling for staying true to herself in the face of the Woke Movement. It’s not her fault that there’s only two genders or that the Jews are the root of all evil and greed in the world. Speaking of which, where’s my free pitchfork?”

As much as we would like her to change it, the Gringotts Star of David is unfortunately a permanent stain on J.K. Rowling’s already tarnished legacy and on the world in general. I doubt she’d change it anyway, though.

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