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  • Alex Weiner

BU Faculty Senate Announces Support for American Independence From Britain

Another suprirising announcement followed soon after the BU Faculty Senate’s recent support of the Black Lives Matter movement. As of today, the BU Faculty Senate has announced their support for the American independence from Britain. In the announcement, the Faculty Senate affirmed that “it’s time for America to break off the chains the kingdom bound to us, and form a new nation,” causing all patriots in the area to rejoice.

Scott Craver, executive committee chair of the Faculty Senate and undergraduate director and associate professor of electrical and computer engineering, wanted to emphasize how it’s not economically stable for the colonies to exist under British rule in the long run.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say that the Declaration of Independence really spoke to me. We’ve been living under British rule all our lives and these taxes are ridiculous and won’t allow this university to prosper for more than a couple years. It’s finally time to stand up and fight for independence. We’d like to pledge our support to the Continental Army in hopes that by bringing us all together, we get freedom from the empire.”

However, not all members of the Senate support the idea of providing aid to the Continental Army. Flabbergasted by the very idea of it, chair member Pamela Tinesly reported, “I think the very idea of supporting this Declaration of Independence is suicide. Thirteen colonies against the greatest empire the world has ever seen, we’re doomed. Life under them isn’t so bad, and we’d be better off as we are now than we are being dead”.

Although there may be some disharmony in the Faculty Senate, the vote still stands to support American independence. And so, Binghamton University pledges on sending over 300 young soldiers, ready to fight for their freedom against the redcoats, and some supplies and rations as well. In response to this generous donation, General George Washington of the Continental Army replied with nothing. He’s been dead for over 200 years.

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